Want

I want to be a better athlete. I want to run and bike and swim and I want to somewhat enjoy it while doing it.

I want to learn to cook. I want to look in cupboards and know how to throw things together to make mouth watering food. I want to invite people over and have them taste delicious food that was prepared by me-not my mom or sister or friend or girlfriend or brother Curtis...I want them to taste food that was prepared by ME.

I want to be more crafty-like my friend Candice. Or my sister, Jami. Or my aunt Mindy. Or anyone who is crafty. I want to be able to see something in my mind and in some form, create it.

I want to be a mom. I want to teach my kids that everything is beautiful. I want to take them on the roof in the middle of the night to star gaze. I want to have Christmas with my kids and take them to go see Santa Clause. I want to teach them to be nice and how to share and most importantly, that they are awesome simply because they're kids.

I want to change the world. When I was in 8th grade I told Mr Ruesch that I wanted to be in a history book someday-so little girls could read it and think, 'I want to be like her.' I asked him how I could do it-how I can get inside of a history book for doing good things-like Mother Teresa. He told me that I just needed to be my best self all the time, no matter what, and no matter who I was with.

I want to take a nap.

Rock Climbing

I went rock climbing today. It was the first time in about 6 months. I loved it. I wasn't very good-my fingers hurt-the rocks and wall felt like sand paper. My fingers felt like they were going to bleed-a part of my pinkie did. It felt good to do something I love-after we were done climbing we sat on the couch and I looked around and remembered why I fell in love with things like that-things like rock climbing.

Everyone is soo nice. They encourage each other-sometimes without saying anything. People are in every position pushing themselves to get just a little higher-or to complete the next problem.

I will certainly be visiting the climbing gym more often. Its important to do things you love-things that make you feel alive.

And its nice to come home to a cute little fur ball!!

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

Time to snap my fingers and change things up a bit. My blog has been a depressing array of thoughts the last couple entries but let me assure you, my dear reader, life is beautiful.

First of all....put your hands together and let me hear a drum roll as I introduce to you a new important part of my life.... Meet Harley boy.
There have been times Becka was carrying him and people thought he was a stuffed animal. We stopped at a coffee shop the other day and I put Harley on the table and the barista came out to tell me he was the cutest pup she had ever seen. It made me smile.

He is just shy of 3 months-and have had him for close to a month-and already I have so much love for this little guy. He is a terror at times but he has learned fast-as is almost potty trained. It is amazing how much love an animal can bring in to your life in nearly no time at all.

I don't have kids-like most of my friends who have blogs-but Harley is my baby-so perhaps my blog will be covered in pictures and stories about him. Time will tell.

Beyond my news of having a puppy, my mom came to visit me! I was thrilled to have her here-giddy almost. My moms health has been less than perfect but it was good to visibly see her and talk with her and experience beautiful weather with her. I adore my mother and admire her determination and the love she has for me, makes me love and appreciate myself a little more than I do. She loves me perfectly.

this is the only picture we took while she was here-its on the fairy-on our way to pick up Harley

Work is going fabulously well. Today I got to shoot shotguns in a clay pigeon shooting contest. It was my first time. It was fun. My shoulder is sore.

The sun was out today-and yesterday-which contradicted what the weather man said. I'm glad when that happens. I am planning adventures. Becka and I want to go to Hawaii. I got a free trip there last year-and never used it. I could use some time in the beach-but who couldn't?!

I miss my family. I miss my family everyday-so much that it makes me crazy sometimes. But then I was talking to a friend of mine here and she was telling me that she doesn't get along with her family-she said she doesn't like her family. After that I was soo glad that I missed my family as much as I do. Maybe it testifies how much we love each other.

You know, I am a firm believer in what they say-its all about your attitude.

mom

I hadn't prayed for along time. I didn't feel comfortable praying. I felt like if I prayed God would say, "don't be gay." and "break up with the Becka." and then scream over and over "DON'T BE GAY!" He didn't. He said that He loved me. And He comforted me. And then in the morning He reminded me that He said that by letting me hear the birds outside my window and allowing the sun to peak through the blinds. I was humbled. I love God. He love me too.

The last few months have been LONG. I went through a few health problems, got real homesick, my home in Utah had some major water problems, my girlfriend got laid off, I had a few visits from people from home, I went and visited home-Becka came too and we turned the trip into a Western United States road trip, and in a few weeks I'm planning on getting a new puppy.

However, the most important/thought consuming/pressing thing that has happened in the last few months is the up and down health of my mom. My mom is a fighter. My mom IS A FIGHTER and, in my opinion, has been through more than any person should ever have to go through-but that isn't for me to decide-it's just what life has in store for certain people. For anyone who reads my blog, please pray for my mom. And pass the word along. Her story is what got me on my knees again. I pleaded to God that she would be okay. That she would feel okay and be able to stay positive. I let Him know that I need a mom and that my little brother Curtis needs a mom and that the WORLD needs MY mom. Other people prayed for her. We had a family fast on Sunday-people in the ward and friends joined too. I believe, I truly believe, that the only thing that will help her is the love of her Heavenly Father-perhaps extended from the people around her. Read her blog to get more information.
My mom keeps our family together and has always taught us to be kind to each other-and to everyone. There is no one in my life who I'd like to be more like. She has the kindest heart, is fast to forgive and the fastest person I know at offering herself to help someone in need.

I love you, Mom!

My best buddy

Can you believe that that guy in the picture with me is my little brother Curtis. It was hard for me to believe when I saw him on the airport. I couldn't believe it. He isn't little Curtis anymore-not even close.
Curtis came and stayed with me for a couple days and we had a great time! We kept busy busy and explored parts of Seattle. We talked a lot and more than anything else, we just enjoyed each other.
We have always been close-Curtis and me and during these couple days we just got closer. We were able to talk about things we've never talked about and experience things together that neither of us have done before-like the paddle boats on Greenlake!

Thanks for a great few days, Curtis. I love you more than I will ever be able to express. You are such a good person and you're able to impact people through your goodness. I feel lucky that you're my brother and I'm excited to see you in a few weeks! YAY!

I shouldn't post this (because my sister Jami is a hair GOD and might kill us for putting bleach from the store in our hair) but Curtis and I colored our hair. Becka helped us. I have decided that since I'm not close to Jami, I am not going to go find someone else and spend loads of money on getting my hair colored-and the stuff at the store works just fine. The Nelson's have big heads and big mouths.

Curtis loved finger painting! And was really happy that there was a bib. He painted the earth for me and it's currently hanging on the fridge!

Paddle boats at Greenlake with Ferg and Elizabeth

On top of the Space Needle.

We went to the fountain by the Seattle Center but it had turned off for the day. Bummer.

Curtis wanted to try Seattle pizza. It was the only thing on the list of things he HAD to do. On the count of 3 look as happy as you can! 1.........2............3...................Sorry to cut you out of the picture Ferg.

two places at once

No wonder I was soo tired! No wonder I took a 2.5 hour nap when I intended to lay down for just a few minutes. I was all over the place this weekend... read on...

I worked on Thursday. Then I went to Greenlake and played basketball. Then I walked around the lake. Becka helped me understand that I shouldn't walk around Greenlake by myself when its dark. She reminded me that I don't live in Utah anymore-that Washington is a little more dangerous. On Friday I went on a bike ride. It was a ride that should have taken about an hour-well, an hour each way. BUT it took us 2 hours just one way because I wasn't feeling well-AT ALL-I threw up on the trail. Yuck. We went to the Tegan and Sara that night. I saw Chelsea Householder. I hadn't seen her in a few months. I love her. Yesterday, which was the 4th, we went to a bbq and then to another and then back to the first. The 4th of July has always been one of my favorite holidays.

I also found myself on the trail to Doughnut Falls with my siblings. I was in Park City with the extended family. We sat around the table and laughed and talked about playing Court with gram. I was on top of a mountain in Switzerland watching the sunset. I watched and watched and watched and thought of the sky of everyone I knew lighting up as my sky became dark. I spent a little bit of time in my last business class. I loved my professor. He thought I was brilliant and told me I was going to be successful. I was on Darth, my first scooter, doing up Big Cottonwood Canyon and then I was on Big Red going up Logan Canyon to go climbing. I was at Tol's preschool graduation-which was a few weeks earlier but luckily when you go to places in your mind, it doesn't really matter when they really happen-you can go wherever you want whenever you want.

All I'm sayin is that I hear people say, "I wish I could be in two places at once." You can. I was all over the place this weekend. All over the entire world. And far in my future and back in my past.

Supa and Koda

I have spent a lot of time thinking and remembering today.

I remember going to Body World at the library in Salt Lake a couple months ago. While I was there I learned that a person can die from a broken heart. I don't like that. I rather die from old age, or from being shot, or burnt than die from a broken heart. My heart has been broken before-it was the worst pain I have ever felt.

Today I remembered a particular day I went cross country skiing with Supa and Koda-they were my pups...I wish I had pictures of them to post. I don't. I don't have a single picture because my computer broke...and they were all erased. I thought about how they were like babies...how people would stop me wherever I was to tell me how cute they were. They were perfect dogs. I miss them.

I remembered the day I bought my house. I was so excited. I remember building the fence and finishing the hardwood floors and painting and learning a little about electrical stuff. I am trying to sell my house right now.

I remembered how excited I was to move to Washington-and then when I got in the truck to actually drive here I was devastated with my decision. I realized I was completely impulsive-that I was leaving everything and everyone that meant something to be to blaze a new trail-a trail that I am now happy as ever to be on.

I remembered going to a Jazz game with my dad-back in the day when they played in the Salt Palace. I sat on his lap and he spoke very intently about the game. I could feel his passion for it. He passed the passion to me.

I remembered my friend Krista. She was my friend and teammate in highschool. She committed suicide her senior year. She was an all-star. After she died I knew that people who appear to be happy on the outside might be dying on the inside. Krista appeared to be the happiest of happy!

I remembered going to Disney Land with my family. Tolman wanted to keep going on Its a Small World-or maybe he just wanted us to sing it over and over. I remember his face as we were on the ride. He was in heaven.

I remembered what it was like when life was a little simpler-the days when I could roll out of bed and change my shirt if I wanted and head to school. I'd walk up and down the halls saying hi to as many people that I passed and go to class only if I wanted. I would go to basketball practice and daydream about being great, I would joke with teammates about everything-that was Chelsea- the practical joker- and talk about what I wanted to eat for dinner.

I remembered when I was more confident. More confident and more sure of, well, everything.

After reading this, I had to call my dad and tell him that I love him.

Moving

Kerry is going to Korea for the summer. She leaves tomorrow. After the summer she is moving to Chicago for grad school.
Ariel and Dave just moved to Iowa for his dental residency. They visited me a few days ago because they are trying to decide where they are going to go once that is over. Washington is on their list of places they are considering...
Jami and Dave are moving to Minnesota in about a year. They will be there for a couple years.
My brother Nils is in Arizona for the summer.
I have reconnected with old friends on facebook and in this crazy blogging world who are spread out across the globe.
My family is in Utah. Utah and New York and Rhode Island and California. But most are in Utah.

And I am in Washington. I am in Bothell, Washington alone in my house at 12:31am on a Monday night. I keep bouncing around the web looking at different maps and pointing out to myself all the places I know people. Looking at maps and globes make me feel small. I like feeling small. I like feeling like a big deal sometimes too but feeling small is more accurate to reality. I like it. Feeling small makes me feel motivated to create. Create something for myself-or out of myself...haven't really figured it out yet.

All I know is that people, people I know, are moving to create something different for themselves. I want to jump on that bandwagon! Luckily for me though (and the only reason I say luckily is I HATE moving and have had to do it A LOT in the past year) I just have to move around in my mind a little, tweak a few of my habits and beliefs.

Yesterday

Yesterday was a significant day for me. June 17th is a day that will forever and ever symbolize a new beginning for me. It was a day that one of the most important people in my life passed on and four years after that another one of the most important people to me was born.

June 17th, 2000: My best friend Ashley Richardson was taken from us as a result of a car accident.
It was a beautiful day without a cloud in the sky...Ash called me asking if I wanted to go spend time at her sisters house-she was house-sitting there because Emily was out of town. In most circumstances I would have been there is a second-I always had soo much fun with Ashley and took advantage of every opportunity to hang out with her. But for some reason, a reason that I really can't explain, I decided that I wanted to go hiking by myself-something I didn't usually do on beautiful summer days.
On the way home from the mountain there was some traffic on the freeway. I passed an accident. I saw a jeep that was turned on its side. I later found out I drove by Ashley's accident. She was in that jeep.

I stopped at a friends house on my way home from the mountain. Then I went home. My dad met me on the porch. He had tears in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong never expecting what did come out of his mouth to come out of his mouth. He told me Ashley was in a car accident and that she didn't make it. I asked him, "Ashley who?" He told me Ashley Richardson. I didn't believe him. I talked to her earlier that day. But he assured me it was her. I was devastated. I didn't realize how much she meant to me until she was gone and I didn't realize how much she impacted my life until she died. She still impacts me. I will forever be grateful for the influence she has had on my life. I am better because of her. I forgive quicker because of her. I listen better because of her. I am generally slow to get angry and quick to give praise all because of her encouragement. I appreciate my family more because of her. I love myself more because of her. I recognize greatness in simplicity because of her. I have a better relationship with God because of her.

Ashley was most certainly the most loving and giving friend I had ever had. She introduced to me what true friendship was and introduced what a real and personal relationship with God looked like. I love her forever and ever!

June 17th, 2004: I was in Alaska. A few months before June 17th, Court found a lodge online that would hire both of us for the summer-Riversong Lodge-so we packed up our bags and went to Alaska. I went to breakfast with Jami the morning I was going to leave...Jami took me to Village Inn and gave me an empty photo album...an album that I was supposed to fill up with the pictures she was going to send me of my unborn nephew.

I can't remember what I was doing on June 17th when I got the call that informed me that Jami had her baby. Tolman James Lamborn was born-I had a nephew!!

Like I keep saying, I was in Alaska-I hadn't even seen or held the little guy but I loved him immediately. I don't know how old he was when I actually got to meet him-I think he was a couple weeks old but what I do know is I have never fallen in love so quickly. And the love that I felt for him during the converation that I learned of his birth has only intensified 10 fold.

Tolman turned 5 yesterday. I can hardly believe it. Its hard for me to conceptualize how much love is packed into his little body. Love and joy and excitement and perfection. I adore him and know that we will be best buddies forever and ever.

Highs and Lows

Soooooooo much to write about.

First, today I feel better. The last few days, maybe last few weeks I was feeling a little down-not like normal, happy go-lucky, always look on the bright side of things Chelsea.

There was a moment I even considered moving back to Utah. When that thought entered, I had to seriously take a look at where these thoughts/feelings were coming from to determine how seriously I should consider these ideas that would pop into my mind.

I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my house in Logan and my puppies that I had to give away. I miss the Utah bubble. I miss being around people who understand the Mormon religion-around people who I don't have to defend or debate the religion with. I miss my siblings. I realize I already said that I miss my family but I really miss my family.

But I am happy to say that my thought of moving home was merely a thought-that when I took time with Chelsea for Chelsea I determined where that idea came from. My health hasn't been great, my job is really changing, and although I have good friends here, I haven't had the time and experience with them that really creates lifelong lasting relationships. Sooo...all of this points to one thing...I am searching for something consistent in my life because there really isn't anything consistent right now...and the thing that is always and will always be consistent is my family and the love we have for each other.

Now lets update my readers on the happenings in Washington.

The weather is great! Around 80 degrees right now-and people complain that it's too hot. I laugh as I think about my days on the ropes course. 100-107 degrees all summer. And then I think of my brother in Arizona. HOT HOT HOT! I have been experiencing some of Washington's recreation lately. Over Memorial Day weekend I went camping. It was great. There was a group of about 25 girls who went. We went to Eastern Washington-it reminded me of Utah. Becka and I and a friend named Erica went kayaking last week. We went to Lake Union...I think (so many bodies of water-I get mixed up). We had a great view of the city-and looking at the city made my mind go crazy. Its interesting that somebody decided to build a city in a location that is literally surrounded by water. But whatever-it seems to work.

I am feeling a little more confident getting around but I still struggle. Finding an address without my GPS is nearly impossible. I don't know how people do it. I used to pride myself in my sense of direction and ability to get places but man oh man...not anymore. I feel lost 80% of the time.

Now to a low point in the last few weeks.
This is Shirley. She was involved in a hate crime a couple weeks ago. She was at a club in Seattle with some friends and when she went outside she was beaten by a big burly guy who kept telling her she should die because of her sexual orientation-while his friends circled up around them-not allowing anyone to help her.I had only met Shirley a few times before this happened and was introduced to the story from a mutual friend. When I heard about it, I wished there was something I could do to help. I was just contacted a few hours ago asking if I could write out my story and if I have any contacts to share Shirley's story with. Yes, yes and yes. I was told that the more people who know what happened, the better. I agree.

I have written about this before but let me touch on the topic again...

Why is it important that people live the same way we do. Why is it important that we all have the same ideas and beliefs. Why is it important that we love only the people who are like us?

I used to be a camp counselor. On Monday nights I would take my campers to Centry Rock. Before we got to the rock though I would tell them to go find something in nature that they thought was pretty. A rock, a leaf, a stick-anything they could carry. Then we would sit on the rock and watch the sunset. We would talk about how pretty it was. How perfect that moment on the rock with the sun setting and the sky turning every color of the rainbow was. Then we would discuss how boring it would be if every sunset, every tree, every rock, every leaf were the same.... and then the discussion would move to people-how boring the world would be if we were all the same. But sometimes we hate what is different. And I don't understand.

Yes, I can understand that people think that being gay is gross and I can understand that people might think its weird. But I cannot understand how someone could feel soo strongly about it-strong enough to want to kill-and yes...killing Shirley was the intention.

Most of my friends in Washington are gay. They are normal. They are just like me. Most battled with it for along time-wishing they weren't but realizing they couldn't fight who they were born to be. They are people who have dreams, who want families, who get soo sad with the fact they in society, they aren't normal-that they don't have the same rights as the person across the street because of the person they love. We are upstanding citizens-with good jobs and who like volunteering in the community. We love to laugh and have fun and we like doing silly things. When we get sad or happy we like to talk to our parents or siblings or best friends.

Maybe some of us have unusual haircuts and maybe some of us dress a little different. But once you look into our hearts and our minds, we really aren't that different. No, not different at all.

Photo strip of the last few weeks...

I have kinda been absent from the blogging world the last while. But I am back and a lot has happened. Let's first update with a few pictures..

This is Becka and I with Antonia in the background. 

This is Ferg and I on one of our outings.

Becka and I went on a bike ride/long boarding adventure

Me and 4th cousin Melanie at a bbq

Brunch at Ivars

Explanations will come later....

I woke up missing my family this morning.

I miss how my dad hugs me-sometimes he does it for no apparent reason. I also miss playing ball with him.
I miss how my mom makes me laugh because of her randomness.
I miss how Jami always has the best advice. (of course I can call her for that, but its different face-to-face)
I miss hearing Jessica's opinion about EVERYTHING.
I miss how Nils tells me that he is praying for me. (again, he does that over the phone, but different).
I miss how Curtis always go out and do fun things. Last time I was home, I taught him how to drive.
I miss how Dave tells me about school.
I miss how Tolman and Addi, but particularly Tolman, light up every time they see me.
I miss seeing my grandparents at dinner on Sundays.

I miss being in my parents home-I always feel good there. I miss hearing my mom play the piano. I miss hearing Curtis read poetry. I miss playing Settlers with Jess...with the rest of the fam too but mostly Jess. I miss going to the park with the kiddos.

I just miss being with the most important people in my life. Thats all.

(But please, particularly mom, don't let this post confuse you. I am doing really well.)

What a week!

I haven't visited my blog in awhile and have felt the urge...

First off, Happy Mother's Day to my mom!! I love you, mom! And Happy Mother's Day to my sister Jami and Grandma Carol-and all the other mothers out there-but particularly to those 3.

This morning I woke up and got lost in my thoughts about my body and how it works and operates. It was driving me crazy. Questions like, how is it that humans last longer than most modern machines (like cars...they are ancient when they are 20 years old) without a battery and/or fuel. Hello! Doesn't make any sense. We can move and think and feel and taste and geee...all kinds of things....and I am not plugged to the wall and I don't have an on and off switch. Sure, I have to sleep for a few hours a day to re-energize myself but the concept of sleep as a recharger is another thing that just makes my head spin. And then to think that I, Chelsea Nelson, was created inside another human. Weird. Humans are amazing.

I haven't introduced Adriane Ferguson to my my blog yet.... Drum Roll Please!!!
Everyone! This is Fergie Ferg Ferg...perhaps the best friend I have had in my entire existence. We met months ago and connected almost immediately. She is a rock-my rock and I am sometimes amazed how she understands me. She has a deep relationship with God and that radiates by the way she lives her life. I could write and write and write in detail about the things Ferg has brought to my life. I won't. I will just post an occasional picture

The Seattle weather is wearing on me more now than it has since I've been here. I talked to Nils yesterday and he told me it is about 100 degrees everyday where he is. That sounds a little too hot but I sure wouldn't mind seeing the sun everyday. This was a few days ago at a Mariners baseball game and it was FREEZING! I'm normally pretty tough about cold weather-but I was so annoyed that it was that cold.

So, I have written briefly about a crush. Yes, yes, Chelsea has started to date someone. Becka is her name and she is fabulous! Yesterday we spent the evening finger painting.Becka riding the cruiser-I was on the longboard! :)

This is me and Becka at din din with Mel and Pam

Sometimes in my life I don't really think about why I feel certain things. I just feel without needing any kind of reason BUT I have been more aware of WHY certain feelings have surfaced. One of the most overwhelming feelings I have had the past month or so is gratefulness. And the reason?! I have phenomenal people around me-particularly my family. I was talking to my mom a few weeks ago and I asked if she was comfortable hearing about Becka...her response was, "Of course!" and then explained that she just wants me to be happy. I am so thankful that I finally feel comfortable with myself!!

I still own my home in Utah. This week I learned that my main waterline broke. Major bummer. My grandma got diagnosed with cancer this week-but is having an operation on Wednesday and they are feeling confident that the cancer hasn't spread-so hopefully everything will be fine after the operation. I tore the bumper off my car-not this last week-the week before-but still. I had a lifetime friend decide we couldn't be friends anymore. That was a bummer. My tenant who lived in the basement of my house moved out without giving me any notice this last week. And my house is dirty. I did something weird to my hip. It hurts...and sometimes I'm forced to limp. I felt homesick on Sunday. I just wanted to give my mom a hug and remind her that she is my hero. I wanted to watch Curtis play basketball too. I learned that Jamie changed her phone number. I felt really lazy-for like the last MONTH-and on Wednesday had a literal wake up call which forced me to snap out of it. What else, what else?? A lot, probably.

Despite that list, I feel calm and happy. Which proves that liking yourself and feeling confident in who you are is the most important of all things!

Nilso

So....here goes another....

I have been writing a lot about my family lately and here is another post...dedicated to my brother Nils.

Nils turned 22 on the 23rd of April. I can't believe it...I can't believe my little brother is 22. Craziness. I remember his first day of kindergarten. I remember because I was soo happy that I got to walk home with him-I remember his first baseball game and I remember the first time he told me that basketball was his favorite sport. I remember one time I tried to teach him how to swear-and he told me that he didn't want to. I remember making cookies with him once and they didn't turn out because I didn't know what I was doing. I remember what he said during his speech when they announced that he won student body president at WJHS. I remember a few of his moments playing basketball. I remember calling him every day for a week while I was in Europe wanting to know every detail of tryouts. I remember having talks about his feelings about serving a mission and I remember a talk we had after he received his call. I remember the conversations I had about Nils with other people while he was out on his mission-I remember learning/feeling/KNOWING that he had impacted soo many people just by being him. I remember the excitement my family had preparing for his return... that excitement is the same excitement I have now just thinking about how great my brother is!!!

Nils is my little brother but I have always looked up to him. He inspires me with his goodness. The world is a better place because of him and I am thankful he is my brother.

Love you, Nilso!

I wonder

I wonder why people are the way they are. Why they are mean. Why they are nice. Why and how they decide to wear what they have on.

I wonder why the grass is green and the sky is blue. I wonder why God decided to let everything have a smell. I wonder why I turn a key and my car starts (yes I know it does something to a spark plug and something happens to pistons and yadda, yadda, yadda but I still wonder why).

I wonder why I like certain colors and certain tastes and why other people don't. I wonder why I don't like scary movies. I wonder why fire is hot.

I wonder why I get giddy excited when I think of a certain someone. I wonder why I get nervous around that person. I wonder what it is about the possibility of love that makes people act weird.

I wonder why baseball players get paid so much money. I wonder why humans go and watch baseball games...I went last night and decided every person sitting in that stadium was weird because we were seeking entertainment in the form of a baseball game.

I just wonder....about everything....

Does it matter what other people think?!

This is a question that comes up a lot... does it matter what other people think?! I am participating in a personal growth seminar and we have Monday night meetings and last night that question came up...does it matter what other people think??

I think I was the lone voice that said YES!! It totally and completely matters what other people think!

I claim to be a loving and compassionate woman committed to making positive change in the world. I claim to have a deep passion for life but mostly for people. I claim to be forgiving and understanding and I claim to a good listener and respectful.

If for some reason people don't believe I am one of those things, I probably wasn't for a moment in my life, or during an interaction with that person, and I probably owe an apology. If I believe and claim to be all these great things but people around me don't have that same perception, perhaps I need to look at myself a little deeper and make some changes-or claim to be something different.

Caring what other people think is like a check and balance system. I believe it's important. Anybody with me on that?!? Can anyone shed some light??

hi.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and I think I will probably live forever. I am as healthy as a horse and feel so incredibly thankful!!

Last night was perhaps the worst night, or perhaps a close second, I have had in Washington since I moved here. It was a real bummer and no, I don't want to go into details.

Adriane Ferguson is perhaps one of the best friends I have ever had in my entire existence. I am soo happy I found her. I will keep her until the day I die. I know I will...

I have a crush and it makes me giddy inside. Crushes are funny but they are fun, too.

I have learned that it doesn't matter how old you are, when you date, it's all the same. Uncle Paul, who lives below me, has gone out on a few dates in the last few weeks, and talks like he is my age. He gets giddy excited as he is trying to discover what the other is thinking. He is 60.

Being outside is usually the only medicine I need to cure most things. I love the sun. It was out to play most of the day.

I don't think I have gotten more than 10 hours of sleep in the past 4 days. I am tired but haven't been able to stay asleep. I hate taking medication, but think I might resort to some Tylenol PM or something of the sort to help me sleep.

I am excited for Tuesday. I am picking up Becka from the airport but am playing basketball before that. Becka and I were talking about our favorite days just the other day, and I said Wednesday's were my favorite. Scratch that. Tuesdays are my favorite and it's because I get to see friends AND play games that I love-basketball and soccer (which I suck at but its good for me.).

I need to wake up tomorrow and figure out my online banking password. I have called to reset it twice and still isn't working...I need to pay some bills. I hate bills.

I just woke up. I am still in bed....and I must admit that flannel sheets are perhaps the best thing in my life right now.

Yesterday was a weird day. I think I felt every feeling imaginable. I talked to someone from home that I hadn't talked to in a few months. It was great to talk with her but it made me miss my old life and feelings of homesickness came up. Or perhaps homesicknesses for certain people-for her-came up.

I went dancing with Annette last night. Alana, Ciara, Pam and Joy came too. I talked to my mom on the phone while I was driving to meet my friends and my mom was shocked that I was going dancing. I like to dance. I go dancing kinda a lot actually-and I think I'm getting good at it. Okay, okay, perhaps I shouldn't go that far... :)

Annette and I met about a month ago. We are both participating in this personal growth seminar (that has absolutely changed my life). The day I met her I knew I had met a friend I'd have for the rest of my life. I adore her. Last night after dancing I drove her to her car and we just sat and talked. Talked and talked and talked. I love friends I can do that with.

Have you ever wished you could have other peoples eyes, just for a moment, to see yourself? Or have you ever wished that that someone else could have your eyes to see themselves? I was wishing for both last night.

There isn't anything I have to do today. I can do whatever I want to do. I love days like this. Perhaps I will go back to sleep.

Yes, yes. That is what I'll do.

This Moment

At this moment my wish for you is that you could be me. At this moment I see only beauty. I see only beauty in the world, in people, I even see beauty in things that aren't so beautiful.

At this moment I feel peace. I feel calm but ready to burst because of the calmness. At this moment I know I can change the world. There is nothing too big and nothing too small to make me compromise my dream. At this moment I can think of every good thing that has happened in my life and at this moment I have forgotten the bad-or perhaps at this moment I have new eyes to see the bad as good.

At this moment I hear the birds and the river and cars in the distance. I hear the wind in the trees and I hear my own self breathing. At this moment the sounds I hear resemble an orchestra. At this moment I can see every color of the rainbow and at this moment I am so thankful for my senses. I am always thankful for my senses but not like I am now...the sounds, the colors, the smells and the way my body responds to the sun that touches my skin...I am thankful beyond explanation at this moment.

At this moment I want to call my mom and my dad and my sisters and my brothers. At this moment I want them to know that I love them. I want them to know that they are my best friends-but they are beyond friends-beyond family even. At this moment I know that as long as we have each other, we have everything. I know that within the walls of my family, I have the very thing that most people search for-I have pure love.

At this moment I am my own best friend. I don't care what others think of me because I know I am okay. In the quiet hours of the night I like myself. I don't feel bad or guilty and I don't try to hide from parts of myself. At this moment I am glad to be me.

At this moment I am dreaming of what can be and at this moment I know that what can be, will be. At this moment nothing is impossible-everything is within my reach. At this moment I am happy and at this moment I wish everyone could feel what I am feeling.

At this moment, I know perfection exists because this moment is in fact PERFECT.

It's Sunday afternoon

And it's hot outside! I am out on my deck right this second and I am feeling hot. Not warm-hot! I have on shorts and a T shirt and I am hot! I haven't felt like this in months...

My insides are smiling.

I love what the sun does to me.

Nothing is cuter...

Than this pair!
I love you Tolman!!

An adventure!

That nasty piece of white bubblegum in the middle of this picture was Jami's addition to the gum wall.

Jami and Tol came and visited for a couple days and we did all sorts of fun things. One of the first things we did was visit the Gum Wall-and all the other cool places at Pike's Place Market. Unfortunately, this is where we were when the car window got bashed in...but we won't talk about that here since it's already been posted.

Jame and Tol looking at the fish. Tol and I wondered how long ago they were swimming around in the water.

We were in paradise. Exact words of the little man, "Seattle is paradise!!"
What is a trip to Seattle without visiting the Space Needle.

We had dinner on top of the Space Needle. Tol said it was the coolest restaurant he has ever been to-500 feet in the air and it spins!
Perhaps this picture doesn't look rad, but this ball was not connected to the ground. We were able to balance it while all 3 of us got on it.
On Sunday I got to go to part of a seminar so I drove the motorcycle. I met Jami and Tol later on and they took a picture... Look how pretty the sky is!
We went to Kirkland-where Jason the Bachelor is from and walked around and played by the water. Jami was on the lookout for Jason....

This picture is right in my backyard. We went down to the dock and over to the golf course.
Tol and I thought it was pretty cool that cars were driving above us!
King of the mountain!
We decided to find rocks and throw them into the water from the bridge...it was fun when they made big splashes.

We were trying to catch, or at least touch, a goose. They were too fast for Tol and I.
Tol wouldn't give his auntie a kiss.
We saw a raccoon on the tree during din din. There were actually 2 of them out there. This is right outside my back window.
Uncle Paul, Pauls date Evalon, me and Uncle Joe. Joe is my landlord and Paul lives in the basement apartment. Joe made us all an excellent dinner. Thanks Joe!
We had a little bbq afterwards for some delicious treats!


There will be more pictures to come but had to document the last few days!