Today I checked my email account that I hardly ever check. And I got 7 emails from people asking that I please not stop writing about my experiences and feelings of coming out. I was happy but surprised that my little blog has helped a few people...so I will continue writing...
I showed my friend Pam (who is also gay) my coming out entry today. After she read it we talked a lot about coming out...but more about how its sad that people who are in the closet aren't able to love who they want-particularly themselves.
I literally thank God everyday that I felt I could tell my family and friends that I'm gay. I only wish it would have happened sooner. I also thank Him that I have the family and friends I do...because they have been super duper supportive. I wish everyone who has come out had the family I have...
Since I have come out I have had a lot of amazing experiences. I have for the first time in my life been able to be fully honest with my family and friends. I have been able to build a stronger and more honest relationship with God. I have visited rooms within myself that I didn't know exsisted. I feel happier. I feel healthier even.
There are things that have been hard though. Some of my friends have told me that I can't be apart of their lives anymore. When I think about those responses, my heart breaks. I am still haunted by past decisions which are hard...I wish everyday that I would have come out sooner. That I would have been honest with my family and friends long before I was. I would have freed myself of so much self hatred...and would have saved some pain that others, particularly the person I was with, felt too.
So, in response to the emails that I read today...in some ways my life hasn't changed at all. I am still the same ol Chel that I have always been. I have a passion for life and love and people. But in other ways...ways that aren't so noticable at the surface-I am completely different. When I look in the mirror I know who and what I am looking at. I feel like a person and I don't have to fight with myself. I feel peace.
I certainly haven't found all the answers but I have stopped looking for them. I have learned that instead of looking for answers I should just live and they will come. And if they don't come, you don't need them. I live and try to be my very best self and do good things. I surround myself with good people and good books and other good things.
I want my life to be associated with goodness. And it can be. So I am happy.
I showed my friend Pam (who is also gay) my coming out entry today. After she read it we talked a lot about coming out...but more about how its sad that people who are in the closet aren't able to love who they want-particularly themselves.
I literally thank God everyday that I felt I could tell my family and friends that I'm gay. I only wish it would have happened sooner. I also thank Him that I have the family and friends I do...because they have been super duper supportive. I wish everyone who has come out had the family I have...
Since I have come out I have had a lot of amazing experiences. I have for the first time in my life been able to be fully honest with my family and friends. I have been able to build a stronger and more honest relationship with God. I have visited rooms within myself that I didn't know exsisted. I feel happier. I feel healthier even.
There are things that have been hard though. Some of my friends have told me that I can't be apart of their lives anymore. When I think about those responses, my heart breaks. I am still haunted by past decisions which are hard...I wish everyday that I would have come out sooner. That I would have been honest with my family and friends long before I was. I would have freed myself of so much self hatred...and would have saved some pain that others, particularly the person I was with, felt too.
So, in response to the emails that I read today...in some ways my life hasn't changed at all. I am still the same ol Chel that I have always been. I have a passion for life and love and people. But in other ways...ways that aren't so noticable at the surface-I am completely different. When I look in the mirror I know who and what I am looking at. I feel like a person and I don't have to fight with myself. I feel peace.
I certainly haven't found all the answers but I have stopped looking for them. I have learned that instead of looking for answers I should just live and they will come. And if they don't come, you don't need them. I live and try to be my very best self and do good things. I surround myself with good people and good books and other good things.
I want my life to be associated with goodness. And it can be. So I am happy.
(Had to throw in a picture of my Christmas present because it also makes me real real happy! Thanks Santa!)
2 comments:
Hi Chelsea,
not sure if you remember me or not...but we went to highschool together...anyways....i have a blog and happened to stumble on yours and read your entry....
not sure if this means much to you but I am very proud of you...you did what a lot of people in this world are scared to do...you are a very brave woman who deserves and has my utmost respect...
and yes i do agree that it is sad that some of your "friends" do not want to be your friends anymore...but maybe they will come around because from what i remember in highschool you were and probably still are a great person!
Christy Nguyen
Chelsea Nelson I just love you. I love that I got to see you and TALK to you so much in Utah. Erika is fabulous and I'm going to hold you to that whole coming out to Colorado to visit and play with us. You just make me happy, I love you. :-)
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