good music

Not quite sure what I want to write about today but it is time to write.

I just watched an amazing video online. My bosses husband sent it to me. Watch this if you want to smile and make your heart feel good. Nothing in the world is like good music that makes your soul move. I can only imagine that being there during that performance is something that I'd never forget.

I loved last night. I went and sat on the beach and played games with friends and fetch with my dog and watched the most beautiful sunset. But I was in my head a lot lost of my thoughts. Before my outing with my friends began I ran into Becka - which was a total accident. And she said things that made me wonder.

I have been writing a lot. Writing helps me. If I take time everyday to write out my thoughts I feel better. It helps me stay true to who I am and who I want to be. I'm not sure if that makes sense - which doesn't matter because it makes sense to me. Becka said she worried that I talk about all of this stuff that is happening inside of me but she doesn't know it is actually happening inside of me. Perhaps she was suggesting that I'm all talk.

So I took the night and part of this morning to wonder if that's true. I don't think it is.

I've learned that there are really simple minded people in the world. And there are people who are more complex. It isn't good or bad to be one or the other - its just the way it is. And I'm more on the complex side. My mind goes and goes and goes - which is a blessing and a curse. I have been successful in my professional life and I'm had amazing adventures because I ask myself the question, 'what if?' and then I act. But I have a hard time being content. It seems I always want more - want more out of life, out of myself, out of other people. I have had a hard time being in the moment and relaxing. Maybe its because I'm worried I'll miss out or I won't live up to the potential inside of me - which in my mind seems to be the only gift I can give to God. Because he made me and gave me gifts and talents - so I better use them to benefit others and the world.

So writing - it connects me to what matters. For a moment in time I can sit and think about what is important and remind myself of the goals I have made and how I really want to live my life. I mean, I have a plan for my life - I don't go day by day and see what happens. I put thought into my actions. Because time is precious and life if amazing and I don't want it to pass by without being aware.

My 4 daily goals:

• To have a thankful heart. Everything feels better when I have the eyes to see the good things in my life. I sleep better, I eat better, I am kinder to myself and others, I work harder, I am more creative and I have a lot more fun!
• Forgive - I don't want to have bad feelings for anyone when I go to bed. But if I do, and I sometimes do, I need to work on the art of forgiveness. I believe that people generally do the best they can - and if someone hurts me- they didn't mean to. And if someone does hurt me on purpose - well - they need more love because happy people don't hurt people on purpose. And its hard to have a thankful heart when I have bad feelings for someone.
• Take care of my body and mind - I want to make good choices everyday that imporves my physical and mental health.
• Express myself honestly in word and action - This one is tricky for me. I haven't done a good job in my past at expressing anything but good and fluffy feelings and emotions. Im working on it. And checking in with myself everyday. I feel like I'm doing a good job.

So - I guess I don't know how to respond to what Becka said to me. I know I don't need to respond to her - but I want to respond to myself.

I am on a journey. Everyone is on a journey. And the words I speak reflect on what is happening within me. Maybe not perfectly. But my words are certainly reflective to the changes occuring in my soul.

I am different now than I was 2 months ago. My beliefs are different. My perspectives are different. My self awareness is different. My capacity to love myself is entirely different. I am more excited about life. And my future. I am not as confused. Not even close. I am having more fun. I have deeper connections. I put my heart on the table knowing it might get hurt but willing to take the risk. Because hearts get hurt. They break. But they love again. And that is awesome!

And now my daily picture of part of my evening! I love my pup.
(Great shot Farq!)