Basketball

Another great day. My morning was good - and productive - I cleaned out my storage and chucked about 3 garbage bags worth of stuff. Work was good but after work was the highlight of my day - after work I played basketball with some friends.

I haven't played ball in awhile - a couple months at least - but I played well! We had 2 games and I must have had close to 40 points total. I felt great! I became thankful that I've been taking better care of myself. Eating right and working out regularly has made a huge difference!

Its nice to hear that people notice that I've lost weight - but man - I just feel so much better! And it's so much more fun to go shopping and buy clothes. My size isn't much different but the way things fit and look are completely different. And I can play 2 basketball games without sitting out! Hollar.

I am so happy about this commitment I have made to myself and my health.

And I'm thankful my dad taught me how to play basketball!

authentic

Its amazing how much goodness comes into your life when you have a good attitude and stop trying to control everything.

I have a tendency to want to control things that aren't controllable. I want to know how everything is going to play out. I want to know the end result before it even begins. And by doing that I have taken out the fun and the ability for things to be authentic and natural. boo.

I'm thankful for the recent shift within me. The only thing I can control is how I act and react to things. And I like it that way. It makes me freer. and happier. and relieves a lot of pressure. It makes it easier to laugh and to be in the moment. and i love that!

Life is so wonderful.

Lately, since the sun has been shining so much, I have had to remind myself that I am not on a vacation - that the people and views that are around me are my reality. And I'm so thankful for it.

Mom hugs

I'm homesick. Sometimes I crave hugs from my mom and personal serenades from my brother. I miss the Utah mountains and the most beautiful sunsets. But right now I mostly miss my moms hugs. Mom hugs are the best!

I had a great weekend though. I went to a wedding and had a video shoot in my backyard for work. And I went on a Bachelorette Party pub crawl. And I learned how to tie a bowtie. I love bowties.

Here's to another week...

This is where Harley decided to nap.

Know Thyself

I was talking to Monica yesterday and she said something that has been ringing in my head since.

When recalling a conversation she had with a friend of hers she repeated to me a small part of the conversation. "Kevin, know thyself!" and then she continued on with her story...

Chelsea, know thyself. Know who you are. Know what you stand for. Know your strengths and know your weaknesses. Admit when you are wrong. Own when you are right. Know thyself. Don't make excuses for yourself. Know yourself. Love yourself. Know what your good at. And know what you aren't good at. Know areas within where you can improve. Know the things that make your heart sing.

Know thyself. What a beautiful message.

Alter ego

When I go to concerts I am reminded why I was born. I was born to be on a stage with a microphone in front of me belting out the most beautiful sounds while singing the words of the feelings of my soul.

But then I am brought back to reality. I don't sing. I have little musical ability.

Tonight I randomly went and saw The XX with a new friend and absolutely was day dreaming about being part of the band.

Maybe in my next life.

I'm so thankful for my ability to have experiences like I did tonight.

Life is awesome. So is The XX!

5:30am

Is the time I've been getting up consistently for the last several weeks. I get up, walk or run Harley and get mentally prepared for my day. It's nice to be awake before the city comes alive. Sometimes, depending where I walk, I get to watch my city wake up - which is really cool and super liberating.

I have a recent fascination for sunrises and newness. I'm thankful for it. The opportunity to create a new day everyday is a blessing beyond measure.

Today I will be my best. I will look at the beauty that is all around me. And in myself. And the people around me. I will smile. I will be aware of my actions towards others and be helpful towards strangers.

I will make today special. Because it is.

And I will sing my heart out at The XX tonight! So excited to go! :)

i'm gonna be

im gonna be a pool shark. yesterday was the start of monday night dive bar pool night.

im gonna be a guitar player. i am taking lessons and starting to play on my free time. but i don't have much free time - which is a bummer because i'm wanna be a gooood guitar player.

im gonna be a published author. someday. i will. you can count on it. im gonna finish that damn book.

im gonna be a mother. not just to harley. but to a baby. a child. i imagine that day will be the happiest day of my life.

im gonna be a world traveler. i guess i already am. but i am going to travel more. and experience more.

im gonna be a wife. a really really good wife. im a catch.

im gonna be me. chelsea nelson. forever. a dreamer. a lover. an over the top and sometimes obnoxious woman.

and im gonna be thankful. everyday.

Create

I had such a wonderful weekend. After I got word that Harley was okay and that he was able to come home I was able to relax.

Good people are everywhere. And I am continuing to find myself surrounded by them. I believe what they say - light attracts light and dark attracts dark - I believe that I am not only attracting good people in my life but good things in general. In work. In church. In personal growth and development. I can't think of one area in my life where light doesn't seem to be shining.

Which makes me really think about my recent past. What was it that was holding me back or making me act in ways that weren't true to my authentic self? I think about that because I don't want to go back there.

I moved to Seattle close to 5 years ago. I knew 2 people when I moved. I wasn't going to church and I didn't work so I had no clue how to meet anyone. I hadn't come out of the closet yet and didn't know many gay people - but wanted to - so I spent a lot of time at the lesbian bar. And I began to meet a lot of people. Before too long I felt like I knew the majority of the lesbians in Seattle - at least the ones close to my age. I got confused and lost track of Chelsea. I loved that I knew all these new people and became more interested in the number of 'friends' I had rather than the type. It was the quantity vs. quality thing..

I truly believe that you become who you hang out with. You become what you fill your mind and heart with. And in my recent past I've been very unaware of the things/people I have allowed in my life. But I am aware now. Super aware. And I will fill it with goodness.

I love myself. I love my heart and my mind and my soul. And I love God. I will fill my life with the good things He has blessed me with.

After all, life isn't about finding yourself. It is about creating yourself.

It has been an insane 12 hours.

I am currently at the vet with my pup because he kept throwing up last night and then appeared to have a seizure. We went to the animal ER in the middle of the night - they didn't know what was wrong with him - so they sent us home. But then it happened again this morning as I was getting ready for work and here we are.

So now I am waiting. And hoping and praying my little guy is okay. Harley has been my best friend since the day I got him. He has to be okay. Prayers and well wishes to my little buddy.

Another thing that is on my mind - the terrible shooting that happened in Colorado last night. Horrible. Absolutely horrible. My thoughts go out to the families of the victims - but then my thoughts go to the man responsible. Why was he so unhappy? Why was he so tormented? How was there such a lack of love in his life that led him to do what he did? Or was it a recent tragic event?

I wonder how many people walk the streets in our world that are fighting the urge of doing something crazy. I wonder how many people are that unhappy - that they not only want to end their own lives but the lives of other people - lives of complete strangers.

It is so important that we show love to everyone we meet. We never know their story or situation but we shouldn't have to. We shouldn't have to 'walk a mile in their shoes' to show love and compassion and offer a helping hand.

Life has been so wonderful for me lately. But it hasn't always. I have wanted to die. I have tried to die. Thinking about those days seem like I am thinking of someone else - I am so out of touch with that dark place that used to exist. But I know it exists in a lot of other people for a lot of different reasons. And the only thing I can do about it is offer love, acceptance and compassion. So I will.

I just got a Harley update. He must have gotten into something. He has poison in his system. And internal bleeding. They might keep him overnight. They will update me in a little while.

Everyone should have a dog. That would probably help the people that don't feel love.

College

My new friend Scott told me that he thinks I'm finally living my college days. I think he is right. And I like it.

Last night I got home at 3am and I had a presentation this morning at 8am. Not smart. But the presentation went great and I had a blast last night. I listened to live music, ran around in a park, had hilarious conversations and met new friends.

Tonight I did the same. Sort of. I went to a new place to play outdoor ping pong with friends that I met randomly on Sunday. One of my new friends is Scott. He gave me a gold medal.

I'm so happy that I feel so much more relaxed about - well - everything. I'm doing a better job at being in the moment. I'm laughing more. I am feeling more. I feel happy more. Bit part of feeling happy more is about letting myself feel things that aren't happy.

It's okay to feel sad and stressed and resentment. I actually welcome and embrace those feelings because it those feelings sweeten the happiness.

I like my college days.

Let's be honest, there are a lot of things that suck in life and it is hard to always be positive.  Tonight I want to write about two of them.

The first thing that sucks is dishonesty. It sucks when you are dishonest - because you feel bad about it, sometimes you get caught, you get stuck in a web, etc...  And it sucks when other people are dishonest. It hurts, stings, makes you wonder how/if you can trust anyone again.

Dishonesty is the worst.

The second thing that totally sucks is when you see the potential in someone - or maybe something - but the person doesn't see it in themselves. Or doesn't care to see it. They just do what they do when they do because it feels good in the moment - or it is easy in the moment - or they just aren't thinking.

We hear the phrase, 'just do your best' on occasion. We start hearing it when we're little. I remember my 2nd grade teacher said it almost everyday. It would be so awesome if people just naturally did their best. It would be so awesome if we didn't settle for mediocre. It would be so awesome if we demanded to live according to the potential that is in us.

So - although I try and be positive and write about the things I am thankful for life just sucks sometimes! Sometimes it sucks bad!

Luckily, the sucky moments are just moments and then the good moments take over.

Now - a few recent good moments.




2:30 on a Wednesday night looking for a Taco Bell.



My new friend Emily on the Ferris Wheel



Megan, Farq, Me and Ang on a Wednesday. I had to work the next morning at 8. Not smart.



And for something totally unrelated: 

Unfortunately this was not taken by me - but fortunately I will have one of these someday.



Dreaming

Dreaming is weird. Last night I dreamt about middle school - good ol' West Jordan Middle School. Only all of the current people in my life were my classmates. And I could drive. I drove a really big, old gross van. I parked it next to Mel's huge truck.

Before I went to bed I wrote a list of things I was thankful yesterday. Work, new friends, amazing dinner time views, my education and creativity, Harley's night time kisses and sweet texts from my mom. That was my list. I thought my list might help control my dreams.

Nope. I'll try something else tonight.

Last night I went to happy hour with Eisha. She's a new friend and she is incredible. I had planned on being there for an hour or two, rather than 4 but I didn't want to leave the conversation. She is such a happy and bright person with so many awesome things going on in her life. Her daughter, her new business, her relationship with God and her energy.

The world is full of best friends and amazing people we just haven't met yet. It is full of like minded people who can build us up. It is full of goodness and love.

The entire world is different than our own little worlds. Our worlds are what we make them - I am so thankful for my little world. It seems it is becoming more beautiful and more meaningful and full of goodness everyday!

29 and a bad knee

I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse but I have a bad knee. It might be a blessing because I absolutely hate running and I'm currently training for a half marathon. I complain to myself and Harley every time I head out the door. Running is so boring! My mom tells me that if I keep doing it I'll experience the 'runners high.' I most certainly have not experienced it.

I got up this morning and got ready for my run. I think I had gone about 4 miles before my left knee started to really hurt (my knee is always uncomfortable when I run - but at this point the discomfort turned to ache) and so I started to run a little differently - baby it a bit - and now both knees hurt. Blah. I'm going to the doctor this week. Perhaps they will tell me my running days are over (which I wouldn't mind one bit!)

While I was on my little jog this morning I started thinking about my teen and young adulthood years and compared them to now. I don't know if I've ever had more fun and/or been more relaxed as I am now. Friends talk about their high school and college years with so many good memories and excitement packed behind their stories. Nobody knew it but I hated high school but college was worse. I spent my time wishing I was like all my friends and trying so hard to make sure no one would 'figure me out.' I spent too much time alone on my knees or in the scriptures pleading that God would make me better.

And now?! Well now I am completely comfortable. 100%! I am confident in myself and am sure of Gods love for me. That alone makes life much more enjoyable. It makes the the times I'm alone pleasant and appreciated - instead of a self produced hell. I feel like I am a gift to the world rather than a mistake. I am beyond grateful for my beautiful life. Bad knee and all.

Perhaps I will start to swim.

Deep breath. Soak it in. Today was wonderful! I feel great!

I'm in bed with Harley and I feel like my insides are smiling. I love feeling this way!

Sometimes things happen in our lives that we have absolutely no control over. But sometimes when those things happen that aren't controllable, I try so hard to take control. I set myself up for failure and hurt. dumb.

I don't know what happened but something happened last night and this morning that allowed me to let go of some of the uncontrollable things that are happening in my life. I currently feel so relaxed and content. Perhaps this feeling will be gone in the morning but I'll take it while I can!

I'm so thankful for progression. Progression in life and progression in dealing with hard things. I'm thankful that my parents taught me how to be thankful and how to look on the bright side of all situations. I'm thankful for forgiveness and I'm thankful that a thankful heart has a hard time dwelling on hard things.

And tonight, I am thankful for good friends and good memories. Here are a few pictures of the last few days!

My new friend Scott give a Gold Medal to a stranger every Sunday. I got this medal for being nice, good looking and for having sweet shades :) Totally made my day.

My throne. I'm buying it.



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I had to go golfing for work. Hard life.



Church

Right now I feel that God is so aware of me and my life and my feelings - and I'm so thankful!

I returned home from church a bit ago - and once again, I heard exactly what I needed to hear. I walked out feeling good and hopeful and excited. I'm excited about where I am right now and I'm excited about whatever I am going.

Reverend Charles talked about the hell in our lives. Sometimes, hopefully not very often, we describe our lives as hell. And why? He suggested its because we aren't living in accordance to our goodness and to the goodness around us. We create a certain kind of hell in our lives when we have anger, when we makes wrong decisions or hurt people around us. We create hell when we try and change situations or people that we have absolutely no control over. And we create hell when he don't have a thankful heart.

Charles challenged us to accept the moments in our lives that are hell. And let the feeling of being in a self produced hell motivate us to make better choices, forgive a little easier and have the eyes to see the beauty and goodness in ourselves and the world. Lastly, he challenged us to accept each moment as our moment. Accept it entirely. And appreciate it because that is our moment.

I loved the message and will continue to reflect on it.

God is good. I am thankful.

Thunderstorm

OH MY GOODNESS! The most incredible rain and thunderstorm is happening while I type. I want to go run and play and dance and kiss in the rain. It seems very romantic. But I am at work. And Harley is the only thing (I was about to call him a person) I want to kiss.

I love storms! Espeically summer storms!

Summer time

This post might seem to be late by the rest of the world - but summer started about a week ago in Seattle.

I love summer time. I love being hot. I love having a tan. I love being outside. I love being with friends. I love laughing - and it seems it is easier and
more fun to laugh in the summer. I love patios. I love taking my dog swimming. I love camping. And I love other summer vacations. I love being on a boat. And riding my bike. I love bbqs. I love motorcycle rides. Reba is the only thing missing.

Yes, I love summer. A lot.

YAYAY

I'm in the clouds!

Hard work pays off. so does creativity and believing in yourself and your ideas when other people don't. So does dreaming big!

I landed a huge deal today. It will be the start of a lot of work and a lot of fun. Bring it on.

And keep on dreaming. Big!

What is life about anyway?

You know when a certain event happens - maybe a birth or a death or a wedding of a loved one - and it encourages our hearts and minds to reflect on our own lives and we feel the need to improve? Or be a little different? Maybe it reminds us that life is short and we have to live it up? or that we were once as in love as the newly married couple?

Those events are nice to have. Those events are what 'life is all about' - or at least that's the popular saying.

But wouldn't it be nice if those major life events didn't have to happen for us to remember and internalize what life is all about? What if we just remembered? And lived our lives in accordance? That would be so wonderful. I believe the world would be a much more happy and loving place. At least my world would be.

There are times when the littlest things in life are what life is all about.

Life is about the times you laugh so hard you cry. And it's about beautiful views. And heartache. And work. Life is about driving in traffic and participating in the wonderful modern day blessings of our time - and feeling happy about it. Life is about feeling every emotion- happy, sadness, confusion and a crazy amount of love. Life is about exploring and being with friends but it's also about nights alone feeling sad that no one has called to invite you to participate. It is about improvement and giving second and sometimes third and fourth chances to the same person or potential achievement. Life is about loving yourself - or at least trying to and it's about forgiving yourself when you don't love yourself the way you should.

There are so many things that life is about.

I am thankful for the things that my life is about.

And right now I am feeling thankful for my family... life is about family.

Is this the greatest country in the world?

Strong language is used in this clip - but so powerful!

I love my country. A part of the love I have for my country is because of what it used to be and what it is 

aspiring to be again.



good music

Not quite sure what I want to write about today but it is time to write.

I just watched an amazing video online. My bosses husband sent it to me. Watch this if you want to smile and make your heart feel good. Nothing in the world is like good music that makes your soul move. I can only imagine that being there during that performance is something that I'd never forget.

I loved last night. I went and sat on the beach and played games with friends and fetch with my dog and watched the most beautiful sunset. But I was in my head a lot lost of my thoughts. Before my outing with my friends began I ran into Becka - which was a total accident. And she said things that made me wonder.

I have been writing a lot. Writing helps me. If I take time everyday to write out my thoughts I feel better. It helps me stay true to who I am and who I want to be. I'm not sure if that makes sense - which doesn't matter because it makes sense to me. Becka said she worried that I talk about all of this stuff that is happening inside of me but she doesn't know it is actually happening inside of me. Perhaps she was suggesting that I'm all talk.

So I took the night and part of this morning to wonder if that's true. I don't think it is.

I've learned that there are really simple minded people in the world. And there are people who are more complex. It isn't good or bad to be one or the other - its just the way it is. And I'm more on the complex side. My mind goes and goes and goes - which is a blessing and a curse. I have been successful in my professional life and I'm had amazing adventures because I ask myself the question, 'what if?' and then I act. But I have a hard time being content. It seems I always want more - want more out of life, out of myself, out of other people. I have had a hard time being in the moment and relaxing. Maybe its because I'm worried I'll miss out or I won't live up to the potential inside of me - which in my mind seems to be the only gift I can give to God. Because he made me and gave me gifts and talents - so I better use them to benefit others and the world.

So writing - it connects me to what matters. For a moment in time I can sit and think about what is important and remind myself of the goals I have made and how I really want to live my life. I mean, I have a plan for my life - I don't go day by day and see what happens. I put thought into my actions. Because time is precious and life if amazing and I don't want it to pass by without being aware.

My 4 daily goals:

• To have a thankful heart. Everything feels better when I have the eyes to see the good things in my life. I sleep better, I eat better, I am kinder to myself and others, I work harder, I am more creative and I have a lot more fun!
• Forgive - I don't want to have bad feelings for anyone when I go to bed. But if I do, and I sometimes do, I need to work on the art of forgiveness. I believe that people generally do the best they can - and if someone hurts me- they didn't mean to. And if someone does hurt me on purpose - well - they need more love because happy people don't hurt people on purpose. And its hard to have a thankful heart when I have bad feelings for someone.
• Take care of my body and mind - I want to make good choices everyday that imporves my physical and mental health.
• Express myself honestly in word and action - This one is tricky for me. I haven't done a good job in my past at expressing anything but good and fluffy feelings and emotions. Im working on it. And checking in with myself everyday. I feel like I'm doing a good job.

So - I guess I don't know how to respond to what Becka said to me. I know I don't need to respond to her - but I want to respond to myself.

I am on a journey. Everyone is on a journey. And the words I speak reflect on what is happening within me. Maybe not perfectly. But my words are certainly reflective to the changes occuring in my soul.

I am different now than I was 2 months ago. My beliefs are different. My perspectives are different. My self awareness is different. My capacity to love myself is entirely different. I am more excited about life. And my future. I am not as confused. Not even close. I am having more fun. I have deeper connections. I put my heart on the table knowing it might get hurt but willing to take the risk. Because hearts get hurt. They break. But they love again. And that is awesome!

And now my daily picture of part of my evening! I love my pup.
(Great shot Farq!)

Coffee Shop

I went for a run this moring. And then I had a breakfast meeting at a familar coffee shop down the street from a familiar apartment.

I saw an old friend while I was there. She told me I looked happy. And skinny. And she told me she wanted to steal my watch and my sunglasses.

I told her I am happy. And getting skinnier - because I am working out and eating better. And then I asked her to hang out with me and some friends on a boat this weekend. She agreed. She is bringing her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is rad. I'm excited.

All is right in the world when you have a thankful heart. All is right in the world when you rid yourself of anger. All is right in the world when you appreciate the beautiful things around you.

All is right in the world when you allow your dreams to guide your footsteps.

Love this

I'm the 20%

This morning I walked to an appointment and passed several people who were waiting for the bus. I wondered if they were happy. Or if they even thought about if they were happy. As I sat in the lobby waiting for my appointment to start I wondered if most people are truly happy. I googled it. And research shows that only 20% of all people are truly happy. Bummer. Isn't the purpose of life to be happy?! That is (one of the) purpose of my life.

I am too addicted to my cell phone. Way too addicted. I'm going to start leaving it in my car. Or at home. Or get a flip phone. Life was more simple when I had a flip phone.

The weather is getting nice in Seattle. Im renting a boat this weekend. Can not wait.

My green sunglasses make me smile. A lot.

Im in the process of having a beautiful life. And I am in the process of being the 20% of happy people!

Reminder

I needed this reminder first thing today. I certainly believe that it's true!

I am going to bed thankful. And I'm thankful for that because I have had a really heavy heart and pit in my stomach for the last couple of days.

I am currently on Decatur Island ready for bed with a blanket of stars above me. I'm listening to the crickets sing and Harley breathing loudly. I had uplifting conversations today while cruising around the San Juan Islands and talked about the most beautiful things in life. And business. But talking about business in that setting made it completely pleasurable! I felt high. High on life and excited about where I currently am and the direction I am headed.

Amanda reminded me something that her (and now my) Reverend says. He says, "This or something better!" This, my current reality is pretty darn good. I have beautiful people around me, a loving family, an adorable dog, a job that I love and I have morales and standards that I appreciate. My life is currently great and I know it will get better. And that's amazing! I know that some of the best days of my life are ahead of me. And I've had some really amazing days!

Life. Create what you want. And love it.

And a few snapshots of the good parts of the week!

Thank you, life!