I need

I woke up feeling weird this morning. Some of the weirdness was motivating so I cleaned my little cabin of a house. And some of the weirdness just made me feel - well, weird.

Lately I have been having little self discovery's and learning little life lessons everyday it seems. I feel freedom when something clicks but sometimes the truth stings for a bit.

Yesterday Mel and Aubry had a little party to celebrate their marriage. I found out by looking on Facebook and saw friends checking in and posting pictures. Facebook is awesome and dumb. I felt happy for Mel and Aubry - and betrayed and pissed at the same time. Aubry is a girl that I liked a lot and dated for a hot second. Mel is my cousin and was one of my best friends. They met and fell in love when Mel was staying at my house.

So anyway, my little discovery last night - sometimes you miss things/people in your life even when they aren't good for you - which totally makes sense. The drug addict misses the drug. The alcoholic misses the drink. Sometimes I miss eating really bad food or I miss being a kid because I didn't have to worry about what I worry about now. I miss people in my past that were bad influences and that didn't bring the best out of me. I miss old lovers. I miss old friends. I miss innocence. I miss Utah. And my family. And so many other things.

But sometimes you have to move on and move passed how things were and even how things are to get what you want and what you need.

Which brings me to the question, what do I need?

When I am able to quiet the outside noise and listen to my gut, I know what I need.

I need goodness in my life. I thrive off goodness. Good conversation, good music, good fun. I need to be inspired. I need to be doing and changing and making a difference. I need purpose. I need love. I need God. I need beautiful sights. I need children. I need forgiveness and I need to forgive. I need to write. I need to learn new things. I need to be around family. And friends that feel like family. I need to better than mediocre. I need to be Chelsea.

Things that aren't Chelsea, I need to stay away from those things. I need to stay away from the things that aren't life giving. They keep me from being my best true self. And I'm not interested in being anything but my best true self.

Let me keep waking up feeling weird. Because the weirdness is provoked my a life lesson that I'm in the middle of learning.