Referendum 74

Dear family and friends and potential strangers, 

I am writing this email because I want to get married and people in Washington State have the opportunity to fill in a little circle on their ballet to allow that to happen (perhaps you don't live in Washington but I am guessing and hoping that gay marriage will be on the ballet in every state soon enough). 

I have spent hours upon hours phone banking and knocking on doors throughout the state asking people to approve Referendum 74 - a Referendum that will allow me to get married - and before each outing I sit through a training. Every time I have been asked to write a letter to family, friends and everyone else that I know that explains why its so important to me that Referendum 74 is approved. I have put it off - my story is personal and I didn't think I wanted to share it - until I got my ballet in the mail. I started imagining  people I know casting their vote without knowing the importance of this issue to me. 

I want to have the opportunity to get married. I deserve the opportunity. I deserve it because I'm a human. I have a heart. I have the capacity to love. I love kids - and want to have them! And I was taught from a young age by word and example that getting married would bring a lot of love and happiness and commitment to my life.

I grew up in a very religious family. I grew up Mormon in Salt Lake City. And I absolutely love the way I grew up! I grew up going to church and developing a close relationship with God. I loved God and I loved life. But then I grew to hate God. And life. And myself.

I was in middle school when I realized I was different. I didn't know how or why I was different. I just was. Although people viewed me as a really outgoing and confident kid, I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. I tried and tried and prayed and prayed to feel normal. I made deals with God that I would be nicer and that I would participate in more church functions if he would make me feel normal. He didn't. He didn't because I was perfect just the way I was. But I didn't know that then. 

Fast forward to college. I finally knew (or maybe finally accepted) what it was about me that was different. I was attracted to women. Depression, deep dark depression came at the same time the acceptance of my gayness did. How could I be gay? How could I be that much of a disappointment to my family? How could I do that to the church? How could I do that to GOD? and How could God do that to me? Darkness, even on the brightest days, consumed me. Suicide was contemplated and naively attempted. 

It got especially bad when friends started calling me with news of their engagements (that happens at a relatively young age for Mormons). I thought that I would never be able to call my friends or family and let them know that I had decided to spend the rest of my life with someone... and worse, that I would never get to say the words, 'I'm having a baby.' And even if I did find someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, nobody would be happy for me. How could they? I was taught that if I ever had a relationship, it would be an abomination! 

Fast forward again - about 7 years to a new and improved and mostly happy Chelsea. I now live in Seattle, Washington. I moved because I needed to be in a place where people accepted me. I needed to be in a place where it was okay and celebrated to be me. It might sound silly but Seattle taught me to love myself.  I am now a contributing citizen to society and am successful and giddy because life is awesome - in the very essence of the word. I have made friends here, most that are gay - and collectively they have similarities that remind me of my straight friends from home. They want to be loved. They want to be successful. They want to have the ability to live the life they have always dreamed of living. Marriage, or the possibility of it, is a part of that dream.

The more I write the more I realize I want to write. On a human level, there are so many reasons gays should be able to get married. Most obvious, we are human beings. I am a human! 

I have been in love before - more than once actually. But I've only been in love once with someone that I wanted to marry. The love I had for her was the kind of love that changes you forever. The kind of love that makes the world more beautiful and amazing and fun. I wanted kids with her. I wanted to travel the world with her. I wanted her to be next to me when I lost my parents. I wanted to be next to her when all the good and all the bad things happened in my life - because with her everything was better. I wanted to marry her but what did that even mean? We couldn't legally get married. What would we teach our kids? How would our kids be treated in school - when society taught them and their friends that being gay is weird and gross? Those thoughts, combined with a lot of other similar thoughts, put a wedge in our relationship. That wedge eventually caused us to break up.

Let me translate - I let the perceived thoughts of society and the perceived thoughts of other people put a wedge in my relationship! And all of those perceptions were rooted from the fact that marriage isn't legal.

Washington has the opportunity to help teach the rest of the country that being gay is okay. We have the opportunity to teach the kids that feel different that they are beautiful and wonderful. And perfect. Because they are. Washington has the opportunity to make my dreams come true - and the dreams of a lot of my friends come true. Washington has the opportunity to make a stand. A stand for love and a stand for equality!

On a religious stance, this is what I know about God. God loves me. He made me. I am His child. My life is a gift - not a mistake - and getting married and having a family will help me reach the potential I know is inside of me. Marriage and family is an expression of the gratitude I have towards God and the life and love He has given me. 

Please approve Referendum 74. And please encourage your friends and family too as well.

Thank you, 

Chelsea Nelson