Open heart

I crave writing. I think about it often. When I write I become centered. It helps me get to know myself- it reminds me what it important.

Change is coming. Change in the season. Change in my wardrobe. Change in my heart. Change in my life. I don't quite understand it and the change makes me really sad and mad and happy and excited. I would be specific but I don't want to make anything certain. Nothing is certain. And not enough time has passed.

Yesterday was Memorial Day. It is such a weird holiday. We are supposed to think about and honor people who have paid the ultimate price- which I totally and completely support. But what does that even mean? To me it seems the best way to honor anyone who has died, particularly at war, is to love life and freedom and people- to be loving and happy and accepting of differences. Wouldn't it be amazing to not have to have a Memorial Day? To live in a world where people were so excited about life and where differences caused people to learn instead of hate- a world where war no longer existed. It's a good thought. But then I turn on the TV and read the newspaper and I'm reminded of how then world is. I remember how humans are. People hurt the people who are closest to them. Their spouses and kids and themselves. And then I was reminded that I said hurtful things to the person closest to me a few days ago. I felt threatened and maybe a little bit scared and didn't have an open heart. An open heart. I have so many thoughts about open hearts. I want an open heart. Always. Even when it's broken.