How Great Thou Art

If I could sing, I would sing songs like this. Songs like this speak the feelings of my soul. Well done, Carrie!

how is your family?

I had a fun day yesterday. But then, out of nowhere I got really sad.

Becka and I did something kinda different yesterday with people we normally don't hang out with. But I think we will start hanging out with these people more. So, to make the story short, we basically went to an event with some friends who introduced us to people we didn't know- their friends and coworkers (some gay, some not).

After the event we went to grab some food and chit chat. I made my rounds- chatting with everyone and I really enjoyed the conversations. I love meeting new people. But then I got sad. I started chatting with 3 gay women who were super nice and great. We talked about where we're from, what brought us to Seattle, how we like Seattle etc... But then, the question that seems to always come up among the gays. "How is your family with it?" In other words, ' does your family still love you because you're gay?' 'do you talk to your family now that they know you're gay?' 'do you have to lie to your family because you are gay?' I beam when people ask me how my family is with my lifestyle- I tell them that my parents should teach a class on how to be awesome! But it makes me sad that the family question even comes up. Im sad that one of the things I have in common with every other gay person is the possibility that our family relationships have been altered significantly because we choose to be honest with ourselves, our families, and sometimes the world about who we are. I started imaging my siblings and straight friends having the same conversation that I have. "how did your parents react when you told them that you found the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with?" "they told that this is a phase and that I'm not welcome in their home until the phase is over." Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Too bad that is many peoples reality.

So, once again, my family is the bomb! I am me. I was born being me. And they love me and because of their love I have learned to love me, too.

Ive been thinking about...

General Conference- General Conference was today and yesterday. It only happens twice a year- in April and October. I remember loving General Conference- I looked forward to it for months and would do all that I could to prepare. I still get excited for Conference but it is different. Instead of making sure I watch it live, I read the talks after they are published. Sometimes I miss the excitement that I used to feel. The excitement that I feel about most religion type thing has faded. Spirituality on the other hand makes my insides scream- or whatever people have within themselves that inspires them, motivates them and/or makes them want to be better. The circle of life- whatever that means- but my mom and I recently had a conversation about the circle of life. My grandpa is getting older and isn't expected to be around much longer. But who knows what 'much longer' means. It could mean a few months or, knowing my grandpa, it could mean a couple years. Either way, my mom is sad because she realizes that her time with her dad is winding down. She knows that it is all part of the 'circle of life' but regardless, it makes her sad- and she hates to see her dads health failing. And that conversation got me thinking, my mom and I are in a similar boat. In the past year+ I have watched my moms health fade and wonder how much time I have left with her. And although at times when I have those thoughts my heart is broken, I know that whenever she goes, or whenever anyone goes, death is part of the 'circle of life.' And then I think of Japan- and I have no idea what to think about the 'circle of life.' Logan- I absolutely love Logan. I miss it. I miss the small town, I miss my friends, I miss my house (although I am wanting to sell it so if you want to purchase a small but great home in Logan, let me know!! ), I miss knowing somewhere every place I went. I miss the ropes course and I miss the mountains. I miss that most weekends I would go on an adventure- climbing, camping, hiking, motorcycle riding, skiing, snowshoeing- whatever it was- there was always some kind of adventure. I miss the sweet old ladies who lived on my block. I miss 1st Dam and 2nd and I really miss Green Canyon. Geez. i miss a lot of things about Logan. I will always love Logan. Basketball- I have watched a lot of basketball with March Madness and I have been in heaven. I don't follow college basketball much but I do love watching it. It makes me miss it. I can watch it and almost imagine that I am playing. I love the game. It is so pretty to me. I am fasinated when I watch. Watching basketball is like watching fire. I could do it for hours and not realize time passes. Im so happy about March Madness! Rain- It seems most people in Seattle talk about the rain. It rains a lot here. No doubt. People are locked in their houses- or in doors at least. When friends call to hang out, we discuss where we can go to eat- people nobody wants to play in the rain. But here is the thing- I like playing in the rain. In Bothell, where I lived a year ago, I used to run in the rain and kayak and ride my bike. I would sit on the deck with an umbrella just so I could smell the rain. But in the last few months I have discovered that I am staying inside more, that I am calling friends and inviting them to go somewhere to eat- instead of going somewhere to do. So tonight as it was raining I decided I wanted to go outside. I went out and dewinterized the bbq and made myself a turkeyburg. I was outside getting poured on. And I was happy. I think I even laughed outloud to myself. I don't want the rain to lock my up anymore. Getting wet can be fun!