I wonder

I wonder why people are the way they are. Why they are mean. Why they are nice. Why and how they decide to wear what they have on.

I wonder why the grass is green and the sky is blue. I wonder why God decided to let everything have a smell. I wonder why I turn a key and my car starts (yes I know it does something to a spark plug and something happens to pistons and yadda, yadda, yadda but I still wonder why).

I wonder why I like certain colors and certain tastes and why other people don't. I wonder why I don't like scary movies. I wonder why fire is hot.

I wonder why I get giddy excited when I think of a certain someone. I wonder why I get nervous around that person. I wonder what it is about the possibility of love that makes people act weird.

I wonder why baseball players get paid so much money. I wonder why humans go and watch baseball games...I went last night and decided every person sitting in that stadium was weird because we were seeking entertainment in the form of a baseball game.

I just wonder....about everything....

Does it matter what other people think?!

This is a question that comes up a lot... does it matter what other people think?! I am participating in a personal growth seminar and we have Monday night meetings and last night that question came up...does it matter what other people think??

I think I was the lone voice that said YES!! It totally and completely matters what other people think!

I claim to be a loving and compassionate woman committed to making positive change in the world. I claim to have a deep passion for life but mostly for people. I claim to be forgiving and understanding and I claim to a good listener and respectful.

If for some reason people don't believe I am one of those things, I probably wasn't for a moment in my life, or during an interaction with that person, and I probably owe an apology. If I believe and claim to be all these great things but people around me don't have that same perception, perhaps I need to look at myself a little deeper and make some changes-or claim to be something different.

Caring what other people think is like a check and balance system. I believe it's important. Anybody with me on that?!? Can anyone shed some light??

hi.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and I think I will probably live forever. I am as healthy as a horse and feel so incredibly thankful!!

Last night was perhaps the worst night, or perhaps a close second, I have had in Washington since I moved here. It was a real bummer and no, I don't want to go into details.

Adriane Ferguson is perhaps one of the best friends I have ever had in my entire existence. I am soo happy I found her. I will keep her until the day I die. I know I will...

I have a crush and it makes me giddy inside. Crushes are funny but they are fun, too.

I have learned that it doesn't matter how old you are, when you date, it's all the same. Uncle Paul, who lives below me, has gone out on a few dates in the last few weeks, and talks like he is my age. He gets giddy excited as he is trying to discover what the other is thinking. He is 60.

Being outside is usually the only medicine I need to cure most things. I love the sun. It was out to play most of the day.

I don't think I have gotten more than 10 hours of sleep in the past 4 days. I am tired but haven't been able to stay asleep. I hate taking medication, but think I might resort to some Tylenol PM or something of the sort to help me sleep.

I am excited for Tuesday. I am picking up Becka from the airport but am playing basketball before that. Becka and I were talking about our favorite days just the other day, and I said Wednesday's were my favorite. Scratch that. Tuesdays are my favorite and it's because I get to see friends AND play games that I love-basketball and soccer (which I suck at but its good for me.).

I need to wake up tomorrow and figure out my online banking password. I have called to reset it twice and still isn't working...I need to pay some bills. I hate bills.

I just woke up. I am still in bed....and I must admit that flannel sheets are perhaps the best thing in my life right now.

Yesterday was a weird day. I think I felt every feeling imaginable. I talked to someone from home that I hadn't talked to in a few months. It was great to talk with her but it made me miss my old life and feelings of homesickness came up. Or perhaps homesicknesses for certain people-for her-came up.

I went dancing with Annette last night. Alana, Ciara, Pam and Joy came too. I talked to my mom on the phone while I was driving to meet my friends and my mom was shocked that I was going dancing. I like to dance. I go dancing kinda a lot actually-and I think I'm getting good at it. Okay, okay, perhaps I shouldn't go that far... :)

Annette and I met about a month ago. We are both participating in this personal growth seminar (that has absolutely changed my life). The day I met her I knew I had met a friend I'd have for the rest of my life. I adore her. Last night after dancing I drove her to her car and we just sat and talked. Talked and talked and talked. I love friends I can do that with.

Have you ever wished you could have other peoples eyes, just for a moment, to see yourself? Or have you ever wished that that someone else could have your eyes to see themselves? I was wishing for both last night.

There isn't anything I have to do today. I can do whatever I want to do. I love days like this. Perhaps I will go back to sleep.

Yes, yes. That is what I'll do.

This Moment

At this moment my wish for you is that you could be me. At this moment I see only beauty. I see only beauty in the world, in people, I even see beauty in things that aren't so beautiful.

At this moment I feel peace. I feel calm but ready to burst because of the calmness. At this moment I know I can change the world. There is nothing too big and nothing too small to make me compromise my dream. At this moment I can think of every good thing that has happened in my life and at this moment I have forgotten the bad-or perhaps at this moment I have new eyes to see the bad as good.

At this moment I hear the birds and the river and cars in the distance. I hear the wind in the trees and I hear my own self breathing. At this moment the sounds I hear resemble an orchestra. At this moment I can see every color of the rainbow and at this moment I am so thankful for my senses. I am always thankful for my senses but not like I am now...the sounds, the colors, the smells and the way my body responds to the sun that touches my skin...I am thankful beyond explanation at this moment.

At this moment I want to call my mom and my dad and my sisters and my brothers. At this moment I want them to know that I love them. I want them to know that they are my best friends-but they are beyond friends-beyond family even. At this moment I know that as long as we have each other, we have everything. I know that within the walls of my family, I have the very thing that most people search for-I have pure love.

At this moment I am my own best friend. I don't care what others think of me because I know I am okay. In the quiet hours of the night I like myself. I don't feel bad or guilty and I don't try to hide from parts of myself. At this moment I am glad to be me.

At this moment I am dreaming of what can be and at this moment I know that what can be, will be. At this moment nothing is impossible-everything is within my reach. At this moment I am happy and at this moment I wish everyone could feel what I am feeling.

At this moment, I know perfection exists because this moment is in fact PERFECT.

It's Sunday afternoon

And it's hot outside! I am out on my deck right this second and I am feeling hot. Not warm-hot! I have on shorts and a T shirt and I am hot! I haven't felt like this in months...

My insides are smiling.

I love what the sun does to me.