To Megan...

My friend (although I have never met her) commented on my last post. She mentioned how I helped her understand her brother a little more...

I am nothing more than a girl who has had her own convictions and experiences and A LOT of those esperiences have been with God and feel like I know Him. I love Him. I write only from my own experience and I realize that some of the things I feel and believe might be different from the things you feel and believe-and that is okay. No argument needed-only room for acceptance, love, and compromise.

So, to my friend Megan, I feel happy that I have given you perhaps a new perspective on the struggles your brother has faced and is still facing. I don't know why or how but I am blessed with an amazing family who is nothing but supportive and encouraging of my desire to find peace and happiness. I wouldn't write so candidly about my experiences and feelings without their support. I would still be stuck in the bottomless pit of self hatred and desperation without their love.

They are the true teachers. They radiate love and compassion in everything they do. They are the best Christians I know.

Perhaps I am wrong but I feel every person has a few similarities (aside from the basic complexity of anatomy). I believe that the thing every person wants, above all things, is love. And I'm not talking about the love you get from your mom and dad and grandma and grandpa (although those things are irreplaceable), I am talking about the in love kind of love. The love that makes you giddy inside. The love that has painted our minds through music, TV, movies and books. We work for that kind of love since we're little. In middle and high school we wake up, get ready, try and look attractive to the person we are attracted to. We start going to parties and other social gatherings hoping to see the cute boy or girl we are crushing on. We lose sleep, appetites, and focus when we think about the person. And eventually, they become our other and better half and there is nothing else in the world that you want-except for maybe kids down the road.

If we have an understanding of our own lives, of our own desires, it might make it easier to understand the actions of others. (Once again) It is my belief that no person is gay to make life harder for themselves, their families, or anyone. People are gay because that person they are attracted to, the person they lose sleep, appetites, and focus on, and the person they long to start a life with is a person of the same sex. But perhaps there isn't a particular person at all-perhaps there is just hope of a person-and the person that is hoped for is a member of the same sex because that is what is attractive to them.

My world is a bubble sometimes. I like it that way. I know that people are promiscuous. That love, for moments at a time, is secondary to personal (and sexual) gratification. That is a topic I can't write about because I don't understand it.

My hat goes off to my family (and my heart is overflowing with deep appreciation that is impossible to express in words). In a recent email my mom sent to me she said, (and this was literally cut and pasted from the email to my blog):

"I know you are a fighter and a survivor. I was telling Jami that I feel so bad that my kids are so used to surviving. I wish with all my heart that life would be easier for the Nelsons for just a time. But, we have each other, and with that, we have EVERYTHING!"

Yes, because I have my family, I feel I have everything!!!

It is the most unfortunate of all when people break the family bond because someone is gay, or having other issues that aren't 'normal'...because family is everything.

So to Megan, and people in Megan's situation, consider your own desires and the things that mean most to you. Consider the things that you wanted ever since you were a little girl. I can only guess that you wanted Prince Charming to come sweep you off your feet (and from looking at your cute blog, it seems he has). Again, it's only a guess but I guess that those same desires are the desires your brother has-they are only expressed it different ways.

People are quick to look at differences we have. Black, white, gay, straight, republican, democrat, Christian, Muslim...This list could go on and on. In the quiet hours of the night and when I am stuck in my own thoughts (which happens way more often then I like to admit), I think of what it would be like if people would be quick to look at our similarities instead.

We aren't that different after all.