A night alone

Its a Friday night and I am lounging in the house tonight. I feel great about it.

Sometimes the most theraputic thing are moments alone with nothing and nobody except yourself. Try it sometime and let me know how it goes...

A few years ago I backpacked through Europe. I was gone for nearly 2.5 months. I went by myself. A few friends told me that they wanted to go with me but everyone bailed out. I couldn't bail out-I had always wanted to go. I remember being dropped off at the airport-my parents dropped me off and a friend came too. My mom stayed in the car because she wasn't feeling well so my dad and friend walked me in and bid me farewell. I was soo excited to go on this little journey.

It was kind of a big deal for me. I was only 19 and spending a little more than 2 months in an unknown place was more than exciting.

this is me in the Swiss Alps

When I got to Europe after that long flight I started to wander. I walked up and down all the streets wondering where I was going and what I was doing. I will shamefully admit that within the first few hours of being there I wondered what I had gotten myself into.

I had spent a few semesters at college before I went to Europe-but I lived with some of my best friends and wasn't too far from my family- so I never knew the feeling of being lonely.

So I was in Europe for only a couple days when I experienced the worst feeling I have ever felt. I felt all alone. It was the most bizarre feeling I had ever had because there were people all around me but I still felt so lonely. I have felt that feeling since then but that was the first time I remember feeling it.

In Amsterdam-just minutes away from Anne Franks House

(I swear, I am getting to the point)
I went to Europe with my a backpack. It had clothes for 2.5 months, a change of shoes, a book, my camera and my journal. Thats it. So when I was bored I wrote in my journal and searched for people to talk to. I really learned to jump out of my comfort zone and talk to people-all people.

Going back to the point of feeling lonely...I was in a place where I was experiencing amazing things! One of the reasons I wanted to go to Europe was to hike the Swiss Alps. One particular day I woke up before the sun would rise and climbed to a peak and would sit in awe as I watched the sun come up off the horizon. I imagined my family going to sleep-imagined their sky getting dark as mine became light and I didn't have anyone to share it with. Amazing and depressing all at the same time.

Venice Italy has got to be one of my favorite places!

I had a life changing experience one morning. I was getting ready in a hostel in Germany. I was doing my normal morning routine but became stuck in my tracks while I was in front of the mirror brushing my hair. I had an amazing experience-one that I wish everyone could have.

I sat there looking at myself and I liked what I saw. I'm not talking about how I looked or anything like that. I liked who I saw in the mirror. I felt like I had become my own best friend. Because of my situation, I had to spend so much time with only myself. Even if I got sick of myself I couldn't hide in a conversation with a friend (and I got tired reading the same book over and over again and there is only soo much you can write in your journal). I learned that I am the only person that I have to be 100% myself with...and when I was 100% me, I liked it. I liked me. I loved me. I liked how I thought, I liked the kind of eyes I saw the world out of, I liked the way I saw people, I liked soo much about who I was. I even realized that I liked some of my imperfections-I learned to see perfection in my imperfections.

Now, for those of you reading my blog I hope that you don't label me as cocky or self obsessed or anything like that. (I am having a hard time putting my thoughts into words so bare with me.)

Please tell me (honestly) what would the world be like if we all valued ourselves as much as we valued our family members or perhaps our best friends? I believe it would be so much happier. Or what if we believed in ourselves a little more? Just imagine believing in yourself as much as your momma and papa did/does... or perhaps believing in yourself as much as you did when you were in grade school.

I felt those things about myself when I as 19 in an unknown place. I remember not only hearing that the sky was the limit but I believed it with every part of me. There wasn't a thing that could stop me from doing anything. For some reason I have fallen away from that a little bit BUT (time to celebrate) I'm feeling it again.