So- a friend and I were talking yesterday and we realized that people in our lives know when things are hard and sad and not going the way we want. We call friends and family crying and spew out every detail of our unfortunate situation. We (or at least I) call day after day until I feel happy or at least happier. When I'm happy perhaps I feel that it isn't important to call day after day. That isn't a good thing.
I called a lot of different people today to tell them I love them. And to tell them that life is wonderful. And beautiful. And that today, I feel happy!
For those of you I didn't call- life is beautiful! And I feel so happy today! And Im so glad that I have the people in my life that I do. I am thankful for the hard things- because hard things create strength. And I'm grateful for my family. and friends. and harley. and my work- and coworkers- but my coworkers are my friends- so they get double mention. I am just grateful for my life. I am grateful for God. I am grateful that God is so good to me.
And I am grateful that I realized I am more used to connecting with people when I'm having a hard time. because I want to stop doing that.
I hope that my happiness is contagious today.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Instagram is the new cool social media website. You show pictures to all your followers. But people who don't follow you can see your pictures too.. It's great! I follow a few people that take really great pictures! But it's social media- its another way for people to spy on you and you on other people. Today I learned that one of my friends is pregnant. Learned another person got a tattoo. You can follow crushes and see their activity on the site- you can see who\what they look at. It's fun. And annoying. And beautiful. And amazing. So many things online that make it so we never need to talk to a person to find out what they're up to.
It's soo intriguing. And weird.
And Canada bugs me.
It's soo intriguing. And weird.
And Canada bugs me.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Good things
Good things come from bad situations. I learned that from Ashely Richardson. She told me that a lot but it really didn't ,ram anything to me untilmshe died. Good things really do come from bad situations.. I'm reminded of it often and was reminded of it again yesterday.
Becka and I talked yesterday. A good family friend died and she told me about the memorial of a good family friend that she went to a day prior. It was sad, of course- a good man died way to early of brain cancer. So sad! He was a husband and father and friend to everyone- and I learned that he was a man of God. He was excited to die and go to heaven and meet Jesus. As Becka was telling me about Jim and the memorial I felt happy.
I love god. I love life. I love people. I love goodness. And sometimes it takes bad and sad things to happen to remind me that I love so much. I love my life and my body and my experiences. I didn't know this man, but because the way his life and his death effected Becka, and because Becka and I had a conversation about it, I felt more grateful and happy today. I smiled more. I said thank you to the woman who helped me at the store. I listened to music that made me happy. I prayed and expressed gratitude.
I am thankful for the bad things that happen that remind us how good things are!
Becka and I talked yesterday. A good family friend died and she told me about the memorial of a good family friend that she went to a day prior. It was sad, of course- a good man died way to early of brain cancer. So sad! He was a husband and father and friend to everyone- and I learned that he was a man of God. He was excited to die and go to heaven and meet Jesus. As Becka was telling me about Jim and the memorial I felt happy.
I love god. I love life. I love people. I love goodness. And sometimes it takes bad and sad things to happen to remind me that I love so much. I love my life and my body and my experiences. I didn't know this man, but because the way his life and his death effected Becka, and because Becka and I had a conversation about it, I felt more grateful and happy today. I smiled more. I said thank you to the woman who helped me at the store. I listened to music that made me happy. I prayed and expressed gratitude.
I am thankful for the bad things that happen that remind us how good things are!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
New Years Resolution/confession
It's January 5th 2012 and it's already been a crazy and extremely interesting year.
I normally make new years resolutions but not this year. This year I am making a new years resolution. Singular. Just one. And my new years resolution is honesty with myself. And because of that I am going to make a new years confession.
Becka and I broke up- and I made people believe it was because I was struggling with the church. That was certainly part of it but that wasn't the reason. The reason was because I thought I had feelings for someone else. There you go- as I hang my head.
I went to a bachelorette party at the end of july and got to know another attendee. We did have some kind of connection and I came home thinking about the connection. I wondered why I thought about her- I convinced myself that since I was thinking about her i must have feelings. maybe I did.
I didn't tell Becka all of the details of what happened but she knew. She knew me better than i thought. So I broke up with her because I felt too much guilt for not being honest; I was confused, i started thinking of all of the bad in our relationship instead of the good AND I felt like she deserved better because of what had happened.
That was in September. Now it's january and there are times I wonder how i Iet it all happen- particularly that way. I know some relationships don't work but they shouldn't end because of dishonesty.
I miss Becka everyday. She was my best friend. She loved me. I could rely on her. She could rely on me. We were each others people. Not anymore. Before too long, Becka and I will be like strangers. That's what happens when you break up.
Being committed is a choice. I believe there are people that will come in and out of your life that make you feel and/or think certain things. I feel horrible that i went against my moral code!
So- I am working through my problems regarding church. I am also learning and working through my commitment issues- mainly commitment to myself.
like mentioned this happened months ago. I was a wreck but am finally doing better. I'm having fun. I'm smiling. I'm feeling happy with personal progress. And I'm choosing to spend time with people that make me feel good- people that bring out pod in me.
Though i am ashamed, I'm okay.
Here is to a happy and honest 2012!
I normally make new years resolutions but not this year. This year I am making a new years resolution. Singular. Just one. And my new years resolution is honesty with myself. And because of that I am going to make a new years confession.
Becka and I broke up- and I made people believe it was because I was struggling with the church. That was certainly part of it but that wasn't the reason. The reason was because I thought I had feelings for someone else. There you go- as I hang my head.
I went to a bachelorette party at the end of july and got to know another attendee. We did have some kind of connection and I came home thinking about the connection. I wondered why I thought about her- I convinced myself that since I was thinking about her i must have feelings. maybe I did.
I didn't tell Becka all of the details of what happened but she knew. She knew me better than i thought. So I broke up with her because I felt too much guilt for not being honest; I was confused, i started thinking of all of the bad in our relationship instead of the good AND I felt like she deserved better because of what had happened.
That was in September. Now it's january and there are times I wonder how i Iet it all happen- particularly that way. I know some relationships don't work but they shouldn't end because of dishonesty.
I miss Becka everyday. She was my best friend. She loved me. I could rely on her. She could rely on me. We were each others people. Not anymore. Before too long, Becka and I will be like strangers. That's what happens when you break up.
Being committed is a choice. I believe there are people that will come in and out of your life that make you feel and/or think certain things. I feel horrible that i went against my moral code!
So- I am working through my problems regarding church. I am also learning and working through my commitment issues- mainly commitment to myself.
like mentioned this happened months ago. I was a wreck but am finally doing better. I'm having fun. I'm smiling. I'm feeling happy with personal progress. And I'm choosing to spend time with people that make me feel good- people that bring out pod in me.
Though i am ashamed, I'm okay.
Here is to a happy and honest 2012!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Christmas
This is a few days late but Merry Christmas.
During the Christmas break I got to reconnect with friends and extended family- and myself. It was a wonderful Christmas break! Now I am back in Seattle and feel ready to take on the world and enjoy it as much as I possibly can! Bring it.
I went to church on Christmas (i even put on a skirt- which was SO WEIRD! I no longer own a skirt and haven't worn one in over 3 years) and the bishop said that Christmas WAS about presents and I was confused. But then he clarified. It is about presence- not presents.
Christmas is about the presence of people we love. It is about the presence of love in our hearts and the presence of the desire to give. Those are the presence I want in my life. And I can have them everyday.
Christmas is wonderful!
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, too!
During the Christmas break I got to reconnect with friends and extended family- and myself. It was a wonderful Christmas break! Now I am back in Seattle and feel ready to take on the world and enjoy it as much as I possibly can! Bring it.
I went to church on Christmas (i even put on a skirt- which was SO WEIRD! I no longer own a skirt and haven't worn one in over 3 years) and the bishop said that Christmas WAS about presents and I was confused. But then he clarified. It is about presence- not presents.
Christmas is about the presence of people we love. It is about the presence of love in our hearts and the presence of the desire to give. Those are the presence I want in my life. And I can have them everyday.
Christmas is wonderful!
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, too!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
wisdom
When asking my mom today how to get over something in your life that you have to get over she said, "time and service."
Time is what everyone says but I haven't heard service before.
She told me that losing myself in helping and loving others always will make me feel good. i have no control with how my heart responds to time but I do have control on how I treat and serve others.
Service. Holler!
Time is what everyone says but I haven't heard service before.
She told me that losing myself in helping and loving others always will make me feel good. i have no control with how my heart responds to time but I do have control on how I treat and serve others.
Service. Holler!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
heart swells and heart breaks
what a wonderful day so far! It is beautiful (but COLD out), I saw a hero of mine- a person who helped me gain a testimony of the gospel, i went on a walk with my mom, went shopping and wrapped some presents. but then- just a few minutes ago a friend called me that just received heartbreaking news. she called me devastated. she feels helpless and feels she is going to lose the things that are most important in her life. and the truth is, she might.
heartbreak comes in all different forms. It comes when we lose love. It comes when we lose ourselves- when we make mistakes that we never thought possible. heartbreak comes when people we love are hurting or when we see people we love make bad decisions. but luckily, even when our hearts are broken, our hearts can swell with love and thankfulness. we can see the beauty in the world and in others and hopefully in ourselves. our hearts swell when we fulfill commitments we make with ourselves and when we become closer to the person we hope to become. Our hearts swell when we are around people we love and when we laugh a lot- and we can laugh a lot even when are hearts are broken.
even though the journey is hard, there is joy in the journey. Even when things are so hard, there is light. And during the times that we don't feel like there is light, God will carry us. I know it. I had to remind my friend of that today. and as i reminded my friend, i reminded myself.
heartbreak creates strength. i know it. heartbreak turns into beautiful things.
heartbreak comes in all different forms. It comes when we lose love. It comes when we lose ourselves- when we make mistakes that we never thought possible. heartbreak comes when people we love are hurting or when we see people we love make bad decisions. but luckily, even when our hearts are broken, our hearts can swell with love and thankfulness. we can see the beauty in the world and in others and hopefully in ourselves. our hearts swell when we fulfill commitments we make with ourselves and when we become closer to the person we hope to become. Our hearts swell when we are around people we love and when we laugh a lot- and we can laugh a lot even when are hearts are broken.
even though the journey is hard, there is joy in the journey. Even when things are so hard, there is light. And during the times that we don't feel like there is light, God will carry us. I know it. I had to remind my friend of that today. and as i reminded my friend, i reminded myself.
heartbreak creates strength. i know it. heartbreak turns into beautiful things.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
called out
My mom called me out this morning. She asked if I am honest with myself because my blog is generally upbeat and happy and (recently) I have been really sad and down in the dumps.
Perhaps my excitement and upbeat self is how I hope to feel- not how I actually feel in the moment. So I write about it and think about it and hope that eventually I will be it! I guess its kinda like the secret- I put what I want out into the universe and think about it until it becomes my reality.
Curtis called me out last night. I was telling him what I was doing to make my current situation better. He basically told me that my plans sounded good but there is nothing that will make situation better except time. Dang. He also told me that I need to stop making plans and just be me. Be me in every moment. Be proactive to be me.
After the conversation with Curtis, I wondered how and when he became so wise.
Thanks for calling me out mom and Curtis.
Perhaps my excitement and upbeat self is how I hope to feel- not how I actually feel in the moment. So I write about it and think about it and hope that eventually I will be it! I guess its kinda like the secret- I put what I want out into the universe and think about it until it becomes my reality.
Curtis called me out last night. I was telling him what I was doing to make my current situation better. He basically told me that my plans sounded good but there is nothing that will make situation better except time. Dang. He also told me that I need to stop making plans and just be me. Be me in every moment. Be proactive to be me.
After the conversation with Curtis, I wondered how and when he became so wise.
Thanks for calling me out mom and Curtis.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
lbs
I stepped on the scale yesterday and I am 10 lbs lighter than I was last year! YAY! 10 whole pounds. Then I stepped on the same scale this morning- just to make sure it was right and I was 5 lbs lighter than I was last year. Weird. How did I gain 5 lbs in 24 hours?!
There is snow outside. Just a little bit- but it sure makes things pretty! Harley likes the snow. The air quality is horrible here. I forgot that air quality changes. In Seattle the air is also so nice and clean. My mom is a saint. Nils is the best man I know. I admire his integrity so much. I played basketball with my dad and Nils last night. Nils won 4 games. I won 3. Dad didn't win- but I reminded him that Nils and I know everything we know because of him. I have woken up several times the last couple nights thinking that I heard my phone ring. I think I was dreaming that Becka was calling. I get to see a lot of friends while Im in town. Ashli is having a baby shower tomorrow so I get to see some college peeps. The hs friends are having our annual Christmas party on the 23rd. Im real excited about that. Im going to lunch with a few peeps too. I better run on the treadmill downstairs because of all the food I'll be consuming. I saw my grandparents yesterday. They told me over and over that they love me. I love grandparents. Connie McBride is at our house right now. Connie is my moms best friend. Everyone deserves a friend like Connie. Her son just became a lawyer in California and spends a good amount of time helping homeless people. There are good people everywhere.
There is snow outside. Just a little bit- but it sure makes things pretty! Harley likes the snow. The air quality is horrible here. I forgot that air quality changes. In Seattle the air is also so nice and clean. My mom is a saint. Nils is the best man I know. I admire his integrity so much. I played basketball with my dad and Nils last night. Nils won 4 games. I won 3. Dad didn't win- but I reminded him that Nils and I know everything we know because of him. I have woken up several times the last couple nights thinking that I heard my phone ring. I think I was dreaming that Becka was calling. I get to see a lot of friends while Im in town. Ashli is having a baby shower tomorrow so I get to see some college peeps. The hs friends are having our annual Christmas party on the 23rd. Im real excited about that. Im going to lunch with a few peeps too. I better run on the treadmill downstairs because of all the food I'll be consuming. I saw my grandparents yesterday. They told me over and over that they love me. I love grandparents. Connie McBride is at our house right now. Connie is my moms best friend. Everyone deserves a friend like Connie. Her son just became a lawyer in California and spends a good amount of time helping homeless people. There are good people everywhere.
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