beautiful life

what a beautiful life i have.

i have a family that loves me
and a girlfriend that adores me
i have eyes that can see
and ears that can hear
and thank goodness for that because i see and hear the most beautiful things
i have a mind that is powerful
and determination that guides me
i have a spirit that craves adventure
and a body that follows
i have hope to change the world
and the knowledge that i already have
i have the expectation to be the best i can
and to make others better too
i have dreams for what will be
and excitement because my life is my dream coming true.

what a beautiful life i have.

Thoughts

I went to see Brett Dennen in concert on Tuesday. I love his music. His last song was Blessed is this life. I have been singing it to myself since. "Blessed is this life- I want to celebrate being alive...) Love it. And I am celebrating being alive.

Watching Wipeout makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it. I am watching it now.

A couple weeks ago I went on a walk with Harley and walked by a HUGE hole in the ground. An apartment building is being built. There were trucks and cranes and huge pipes in the hole. I become completely lost in wonder about the creation of world as we know it. Not the world as in Earth- but everything that is on the earth. Homes, the things in our homes, cars, clothes, food, life- the process of creation of the things in this world as pretty amazing.

I have never been happier in my own skin. Not ever. And it seems like people are noticing. I had an experience this last weekend that I will remember for the rest of my life. I was at one of Becka's best friends wedding. We stayed at this cool summer camp resort type place with all the other wedding guests for the entire weekend- most of the guests were people I didn't know. The last night we were there I got pulled aside by Linda- an older woman from Colorado who told me she had been watching me since the weekend began and noticed a magnetic positive energy around me. She told me that she noticed my confidence and said she wished all people felt as comfortable in their own skin as I felt in mine. I was shocked to hear what she was saying and tears spilled out of my eyes. I have come along way the last couple years and I know who I am.

Harley went to dog boot camp for 2 weeks. He is much more mellow and wants to cuddle all the time.

I miss my family everyday. My family is spread out across the country right now. Jami and Dave are in Minnesota with their kiddos while Dave finishes medical residency. Curtis is visiting them right now. Nils is in Mississippi for a summer internship. Jess is currently in Heber getting ready to run the Ragnar race tomorrow. And I am in Seattle.

I miss my life in Logan, too. I guess my life in Logan was life before I became an adult. I didn't worry much about bills, I played in the mountains on (almost) a daily basis, I lived and worked and played with my best friends, my job changed lives every single day and it seems I was always tan. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever live in Utah again. I hope I do.

This summer I am going to go camping as often as possible. And no, summer hasn't started here yet. I hope it starts soon. I want to remember what its like to wear shorts and tshirts.

Grass and weeds and everything else green grows so much faster in Washington than Utah. I should mow the lawn 2 times a week. I don't. I only mow it once a week. And that seems like a lot. And I should weed even more than that. I don't. I have become that neighbor noone wants to have.

That's all for now.

things are the same

I crave to blog sometimes. I certainly have been lately. I think about it everyday but it seems other things take priority. I have to work, mow the lawn, change the laundry- never enough time to sit and blog. Since so much time has passed since my last posting, it seems a little daunting because there are so many things I want to write about. Luckily for me and my blog, I am sick and don't feel like doing anything but sit on my couch and let my fingers blab.

Let me start by saying life is great! Life is really, really great and really weird, too. A couple nights ago Becka and I were talking about the fact that most days are the exact same. A common conversation we have is, "What do you have going on tomorrow?" which has turned into a silly conversation because everyday is pretty much the same. I get up, go to work, come home to take care of Harley, workout, continue to work or hang out with friends or clean up around the house, come home, get ready for bed and go to sleep. Of course we need to throw in meals and bathroom breaks but that is my day Monday-Friday. Becka's is something like, get up, go for a run, go to internship, go to work, go to school, come home, get ready for bed, go to bed. But we insist on asking the question almost every night.

Anyway- moving on- although life is somewhat the same day after day, I am really happy and live my days with purpose. I wake up excited to do the same thing over. It sounds silly but my work has changed my life. Ha- that sounds really silly and super cheesy- but its true. Nearly a year ago I met Dana Peterson and the 2 of us have created Home Benefit Network- a company that is helping our community. I'll give more info about HBN later- for now I'll just say that it has been an incredible blessing to be apart of the creation of such an amazing company!

Something else that has been really cool- I have gotten involved with a local ropes course. I managed the Utah State University Ropes Course and absolutely loved it. I also helped with Build several elements at Brighton Girls Camp- I love ropes courses. They introduced and got me involved with motivational speaking and team building workshops and when I moved here I started missing that kind of work. When I was introduced to the The Waterhouse Center, I knew I had to get involved. I recently helped build their website and am helping them with business/marketing plans. I am so glad to be apart of such a powerful place. Ropes Courses change lives- they have changed mine and I have seen them change many, many peoples as well.

This is me trying to stand on top of the Perch- my favorite ropes course event. It is a 30 foot power pole and the goal is stand on top of it and jump for a trapeze bar. Awesome!

Becka and I got to take a break from our daily routine and spend 10 days in Sayulita, Mexico. I know I have written a little about this already but here is some more- with pictures. I loved going to Sayulita! I had never been so happy to go on vacation. I almost forgot what warm, dry weather was like. And not only did we go to a warm, dry place, Sayulita is one of the coolest places I have ever been. It is a little surf town about 30 miles north of Puerta Vallerta. It is really chill- super nice people, great food on every corner, live concerts on the beach every night, a lot of things to do- surfing, fish, hike, RELAX- it was great and much needed! What a view! This was taken from the balcony of our casita. There was a pathway that we walked down every morning that led straight to the beach!

We relaxed on the beach everyday and waited for the beach vendors to come sell us their goodies. Every time this candy vendor came close, Becka's eyes would get really big and she got semi giddy. I don't think Becka would admit this, but I might argue that her favorite part of Mexico, besides being with me, was the candy wheel barrow! :)So this was kinda cool- we were in Mexico at the same time some guys I work with were- but they were staying in Punta Mita and they were there to golf not to play and relax on the beach. Punta Mita is about a 30 minute cab ride away from Sayulita. They guys invited us to stay at their house for a day- and this is where we stayed. It was incredible- a place I will never forget. Perhaps this is the place I get married. :)

This was cool, too. Becka found a guy who takes people on his catamaran sail boat. Normally this guy takes 10+ people but everyone canceled the morning of so Becka and I felt like we had this huge sailboat to ourselves. It was great- a day where my gal and I got to be on a private boat tour in the middle of the ocean. Awesome.
Our last night in Mexico was spent in Puerta Vallerta. We didn't love the city because we were comparing it to Sayulita- but it was nice and warm and hello-we were in Mexico so it was great! We stayed at the Marriott and met a great couple from California who told us about a restaurant that we had to try- and I'll tell you what, it was incredible! Casa Isebella! If you ever go to Puerta Vallerta, you have to go. The food was fabulous and the view- man- the view was out of a postcard.

I loved being in Mexico! It was so nice to be with Becka for 10 days on the beach with all responsibilties left in Seattle. But then we came back and our responsibilities were waiting for us. We were refreshed and TAN and ready to take them on. :) Back to the grind we went....

How Great Thou Art

If I could sing, I would sing songs like this. Songs like this speak the feelings of my soul. Well done, Carrie!

how is your family?

I had a fun day yesterday. But then, out of nowhere I got really sad.

Becka and I did something kinda different yesterday with people we normally don't hang out with. But I think we will start hanging out with these people more. So, to make the story short, we basically went to an event with some friends who introduced us to people we didn't know- their friends and coworkers (some gay, some not).

After the event we went to grab some food and chit chat. I made my rounds- chatting with everyone and I really enjoyed the conversations. I love meeting new people. But then I got sad. I started chatting with 3 gay women who were super nice and great. We talked about where we're from, what brought us to Seattle, how we like Seattle etc... But then, the question that seems to always come up among the gays. "How is your family with it?" In other words, ' does your family still love you because you're gay?' 'do you talk to your family now that they know you're gay?' 'do you have to lie to your family because you are gay?' I beam when people ask me how my family is with my lifestyle- I tell them that my parents should teach a class on how to be awesome! But it makes me sad that the family question even comes up. Im sad that one of the things I have in common with every other gay person is the possibility that our family relationships have been altered significantly because we choose to be honest with ourselves, our families, and sometimes the world about who we are. I started imaging my siblings and straight friends having the same conversation that I have. "how did your parents react when you told them that you found the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with?" "they told that this is a phase and that I'm not welcome in their home until the phase is over." Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Too bad that is many peoples reality.

So, once again, my family is the bomb! I am me. I was born being me. And they love me and because of their love I have learned to love me, too.

Ive been thinking about...

General Conference- General Conference was today and yesterday. It only happens twice a year- in April and October. I remember loving General Conference- I looked forward to it for months and would do all that I could to prepare. I still get excited for Conference but it is different. Instead of making sure I watch it live, I read the talks after they are published. Sometimes I miss the excitement that I used to feel. The excitement that I feel about most religion type thing has faded. Spirituality on the other hand makes my insides scream- or whatever people have within themselves that inspires them, motivates them and/or makes them want to be better. The circle of life- whatever that means- but my mom and I recently had a conversation about the circle of life. My grandpa is getting older and isn't expected to be around much longer. But who knows what 'much longer' means. It could mean a few months or, knowing my grandpa, it could mean a couple years. Either way, my mom is sad because she realizes that her time with her dad is winding down. She knows that it is all part of the 'circle of life' but regardless, it makes her sad- and she hates to see her dads health failing. And that conversation got me thinking, my mom and I are in a similar boat. In the past year+ I have watched my moms health fade and wonder how much time I have left with her. And although at times when I have those thoughts my heart is broken, I know that whenever she goes, or whenever anyone goes, death is part of the 'circle of life.' And then I think of Japan- and I have no idea what to think about the 'circle of life.' Logan- I absolutely love Logan. I miss it. I miss the small town, I miss my friends, I miss my house (although I am wanting to sell it so if you want to purchase a small but great home in Logan, let me know!! ), I miss knowing somewhere every place I went. I miss the ropes course and I miss the mountains. I miss that most weekends I would go on an adventure- climbing, camping, hiking, motorcycle riding, skiing, snowshoeing- whatever it was- there was always some kind of adventure. I miss the sweet old ladies who lived on my block. I miss 1st Dam and 2nd and I really miss Green Canyon. Geez. i miss a lot of things about Logan. I will always love Logan. Basketball- I have watched a lot of basketball with March Madness and I have been in heaven. I don't follow college basketball much but I do love watching it. It makes me miss it. I can watch it and almost imagine that I am playing. I love the game. It is so pretty to me. I am fasinated when I watch. Watching basketball is like watching fire. I could do it for hours and not realize time passes. Im so happy about March Madness! Rain- It seems most people in Seattle talk about the rain. It rains a lot here. No doubt. People are locked in their houses- or in doors at least. When friends call to hang out, we discuss where we can go to eat- people nobody wants to play in the rain. But here is the thing- I like playing in the rain. In Bothell, where I lived a year ago, I used to run in the rain and kayak and ride my bike. I would sit on the deck with an umbrella just so I could smell the rain. But in the last few months I have discovered that I am staying inside more, that I am calling friends and inviting them to go somewhere to eat- instead of going somewhere to do. So tonight as it was raining I decided I wanted to go outside. I went out and dewinterized the bbq and made myself a turkeyburg. I was outside getting poured on. And I was happy. I think I even laughed outloud to myself. I don't want the rain to lock my up anymore. Getting wet can be fun!

Vacations

I like vacations for a lot of reasons. I just got back from Mexico. It was so nice to get out of the rain and feel the sun and walk in the sand. It was nice to go 10 days without a jacket and having my worry be about applying sunscreen.

But the amazing weather wasn't the best part of my time in Mexico. I like getting away from the routine of life because my mind clears and I seem to come back to life more motivated with motivation and purpose.

I really enjoy reading self help books. I could list off the ones I've read but instead I would like to point out a similarity in the majority I've read. They talk about the importance of positive personal affirmations. You have to visualize who you want to be and talk about who you want to be and then, and only then, you will become who you want to be.

So while I was in Mexico on the beach or in the little Casita before bed I would pull out my pen and paper and write pages and pages of who and how I want to be. People say that life is about finding yourself. No, no. I believe life is about creating yourself. And I want to be better than I am. I want to be kinder and softer and more successful. I want to be a better citizen and I want to be more giving. People are always changing- even when they don't realize it- but I want to be aware of it and be sure that I am changing in the ways I want to change.

Sayulita was incredible! Every place we went seemed to be postcard worthy. We played in the ocean, boogie boarded, took surf lessons, went for a sailing adventure and spent a day at the most incredible home I have ever seen. The vacation was unreal. But I was glad to come home. Not only did we have a short layover in Salt Lake City (my family came to see us and brought Cafe Rio), I came home with motivation and purpose.

I love vacations!

back to the roots

I get mad when bad/hard things happen. I get mad and sad and sometimes feel bad for myself- but after the bad/hard thing happens, I usually feel thankful. I feel thankful now.

It is a blessing when I am taken back to my roots- when I remember what I have always known. This time, when this particular hard thing happened, I remembered that love and service is always the best answer- to everything- no matter what.

When this particular hard thing happened I remembered that I can't control ANYTHING except me and how I act and react. I can't control work, or the weather, or the moods or feelings of anyone else. I can control how I decide to be when things at work don't go smoothly, or when the sky is gray and when the people around me aren't the way I want them to be- and I have made a real effort to act with love and service.

Thank you, hard time, for reminding me what I have always known. My heart feels happy.

  

Time

People say that some things just take time. Or that the timing just isn't right. Or they don't have time. Or they have too much time. There is so much talked about when it comes to time.

Time is weird. Seconds go by; minutes go by; days go by and then before we know it, years go by. Time is always passing.

Right now I am in one of those situations that I just have to give time. It's weird and uncomfotable for me. But nothing I can do will change my situation- the only thing that will change the situation is time.

I'm sorry to be vague. I'm usually not vague on my blog.

The moral of my post is to encourage you to use your time wisely. Hopefully with all of the time that we are given, we can use it to make others laugh, to create lasting memories, to remind people that we love them, to build success and to learn. Hopefully our time is used to say sorry and I love you and to better ourselves and those around us.

Engagement Party

Sarah and Lindsey got engaged in October. They had a big party to celebrate this last weekend and I was so delighted to go. I love both of them AND I love a good party!

Me with the gals. They are getting married in October! YAY!

Me and the most beautiful and RAD gal in the entire world

Me and Lindsey- one of the best people I know! Congrats!

Now, for me to complain- or at least get on my soap box for a moment...

So their party was in Ballard- a little neighborhood about 10 minutes away from super liberal Downtown Seattle. But honestly, Ballard is liberal too. The party was in a crowded pub but had a section reserved that was marked, kinda roped off, by a sign. The sign said, ;Reserved. Sarah and Lindsey's engagement party;- or something similar. And guess what happened. There were a few bystandards- people who were complete strangers who saw the sign and mocked it. They said that it wasn't a real engagement party because gay people can't really get married.

I haven't always been sure on my stance on gay marriage- which is weird because I have always wanted to get married but I haven't really cared what it was called by the eyes of the world- or by goverment- because to me, it would be a marriage. But now, after the weekend, I will fight (whatever fighting means) and stand for marriage equality.

Sarah and Lindsey love each other a lot. Their love is beauitiful and life changing. It should be something that is celebrated. It should be supported just as much as any of my other friends who are married or engaged to someone of the opposite sex. But because they are both women, people don't see it that way. But guess what?! My relationship with my person is just as important to me as your relationship with your person is to you. Because it is real. And strong. And amazing. And I'm happy. Truly happy.

So now, I don't want a civil union. I want a marriage. And I hope I will get married someday. And I want everyone, even strangers who are in the same building as me at my engagement party to support it- or at least respect it. Heck, I'll even take people just minding their own business.