Tired

I sleep. I eat. I drink a lot of water. I try and stay active (but obviously not as active as I should be). I spend time outside. I go out with friends. I work hard. I write. I do everything that I should do but for the last week or so I have felt so tired.

Perhaps I'm not physically tired. Perhaps being emotionally, spiritually, and mentally tired result in feeling physically tired. But how do you get out of the exhaustion? Any suggestions?

set free

This last weekend I got to go to San Fran to attend my cousin (actaully my dads cousin) Brooke's wedding. It was the most beautiful wedding and so much fun to be able to go and see my family (since I've been in Seattle for the last...hmm...almost two months ago).
The wedding itself was comparable to a magical fairytale. It was locnear Half Moon Bay on a vineyard overlooking the ocean. The scenery was spectactular and the weather was perfect. Apparnetly the weather in that area is generally cloudy and windy-but it was perfect for the wedding!

The dinner and reception was a blast! Amazing food, phenomial band, great dancing-just a real fun night!

BUT perhaps the highlight of the trip was a comment that was made to me by my aunt Pam. The morning I was headed back to Washington (I had to leave before everyone else...had to catch an earlier flight) she came and gave me a hug and said, "Find your truth then live your truth. When you do it will set you free!"

That phrase hasn't left me since she said it. It holds so much power and screams clarity to me.

I believe every person has a diferent kind of truth. We have things that we believe, that we want to become, that we KNOW we can become, but because of the things life does, we don't-or possibly we can't. We get lost in the middle not really knowing what to do or how to do it. We simply go from day to day doing what we've always done-perhaps not realizeing that we place limits on ourselves. (I realize that I talk only from my own experience but use words like 'we' and 'us' hoping I'm not alone.) We do what we see other people doing-maybe we do what our parents did which is certainly fine and works well-but it just isn't my truth and isn't my dream.

I have always been a real idealistic person. I live in the clouds. To some my reality is a little far fectched but it is my reality nonetheless. I love it. I love shooting for the stars even if I miss a bit-even if I miss a lot actaully. I love trying new things and pushing my own limits. I actually don't feel like I have limits-just things I haven't tried yet.

Wow. My mind is going crazy now. I could go off on all kinds of tagents. I won't. I will stick to one thing: Find your truth then live it and it will set you free.

Writing

I find comfort in writing. Spilling my thoughts on paper (or a computer screen) just feels good. It has always been a goal of mine to write a book. I sit and write a few pages here and there and one day it will be complete. One day I will have something publiched. Maybe people will read it but I don't really care if people read it-I won't something published for me and maybe for my kids.

I was talking to a friend the other day and I have been thinking about the conversation since. We were in the car on our way to dinner when began explaining how there have been times in my life where I have felt that I am living just to exsist-that everyday seemed to be the same and that I wasn't really working toward anything. I was explaining that I didn't like living that way. She told me that she thought at least 80% of the human population lived that way-just to exsist. Is that true? And if it is true, is that okay? Are people happy iliving that way?

A night alone

Its a Friday night and I am lounging in the house tonight. I feel great about it.

Sometimes the most theraputic thing are moments alone with nothing and nobody except yourself. Try it sometime and let me know how it goes...

A few years ago I backpacked through Europe. I was gone for nearly 2.5 months. I went by myself. A few friends told me that they wanted to go with me but everyone bailed out. I couldn't bail out-I had always wanted to go. I remember being dropped off at the airport-my parents dropped me off and a friend came too. My mom stayed in the car because she wasn't feeling well so my dad and friend walked me in and bid me farewell. I was soo excited to go on this little journey.

It was kind of a big deal for me. I was only 19 and spending a little more than 2 months in an unknown place was more than exciting.

this is me in the Swiss Alps

When I got to Europe after that long flight I started to wander. I walked up and down all the streets wondering where I was going and what I was doing. I will shamefully admit that within the first few hours of being there I wondered what I had gotten myself into.

I had spent a few semesters at college before I went to Europe-but I lived with some of my best friends and wasn't too far from my family- so I never knew the feeling of being lonely.

So I was in Europe for only a couple days when I experienced the worst feeling I have ever felt. I felt all alone. It was the most bizarre feeling I had ever had because there were people all around me but I still felt so lonely. I have felt that feeling since then but that was the first time I remember feeling it.

In Amsterdam-just minutes away from Anne Franks House

(I swear, I am getting to the point)
I went to Europe with my a backpack. It had clothes for 2.5 months, a change of shoes, a book, my camera and my journal. Thats it. So when I was bored I wrote in my journal and searched for people to talk to. I really learned to jump out of my comfort zone and talk to people-all people.

Going back to the point of feeling lonely...I was in a place where I was experiencing amazing things! One of the reasons I wanted to go to Europe was to hike the Swiss Alps. One particular day I woke up before the sun would rise and climbed to a peak and would sit in awe as I watched the sun come up off the horizon. I imagined my family going to sleep-imagined their sky getting dark as mine became light and I didn't have anyone to share it with. Amazing and depressing all at the same time.

Venice Italy has got to be one of my favorite places!

I had a life changing experience one morning. I was getting ready in a hostel in Germany. I was doing my normal morning routine but became stuck in my tracks while I was in front of the mirror brushing my hair. I had an amazing experience-one that I wish everyone could have.

I sat there looking at myself and I liked what I saw. I'm not talking about how I looked or anything like that. I liked who I saw in the mirror. I felt like I had become my own best friend. Because of my situation, I had to spend so much time with only myself. Even if I got sick of myself I couldn't hide in a conversation with a friend (and I got tired reading the same book over and over again and there is only soo much you can write in your journal). I learned that I am the only person that I have to be 100% myself with...and when I was 100% me, I liked it. I liked me. I loved me. I liked how I thought, I liked the kind of eyes I saw the world out of, I liked the way I saw people, I liked soo much about who I was. I even realized that I liked some of my imperfections-I learned to see perfection in my imperfections.

Now, for those of you reading my blog I hope that you don't label me as cocky or self obsessed or anything like that. (I am having a hard time putting my thoughts into words so bare with me.)

Please tell me (honestly) what would the world be like if we all valued ourselves as much as we valued our family members or perhaps our best friends? I believe it would be so much happier. Or what if we believed in ourselves a little more? Just imagine believing in yourself as much as your momma and papa did/does... or perhaps believing in yourself as much as you did when you were in grade school.

I felt those things about myself when I as 19 in an unknown place. I remember not only hearing that the sky was the limit but I believed it with every part of me. There wasn't a thing that could stop me from doing anything. For some reason I have fallen away from that a little bit BUT (time to celebrate) I'm feeling it again.

Been Awhile

I haven't been on this thing for awhile-not because there isn't anything to write about. Perhaps there is too much to write about. So many things have been going on and my mind is going crazy trying to remember things that people may want to read about...

I have been in Washington for just over a month. It's been a good month. It has been a little bit hard but overall, things are fantastic! The only constant thing in life is it is constantly changing and this move might be the most drastic change I have faced yet. Not only is the weather different (I don't think it has been more than 85 degrees since I've been here compared to mid 90's-100's in Utah) but the people, the scenery, the roads (I appreciate the way Utah addresses the roads)- most things are different. It is weird not having my family close by. When I miss them I can't get in my car and drive to them. Thank goodness for cell phones.

This change has been fantastic for me. Coming to a place where nobody knows me has been liberating. Starting new-new job, new friends, new everything...

Now to update on some of the specifics. I am employed as a PR Specialist at American Income Life. It's a great job with soo many opportunities. I applied for loads of jobs and had quite a few interviews before I got here and this one seems to be the best fit. I haven't done too many outdoor activities yet-I certainly go on a lot of bike rides and have been on just a couple hikes. There is a rock climbing gym close to my house so I will certainly be taking advantage of that. I have met a lot of great people-and have already made some great friends. The world is full of great people.

Just some thoughts

It is kinda nice being alone in a new place with new people and things to experience. I am left with nothing but my own thoughts a lot of times. And even though I am in Washington I have realized that (besides my family being further away) things aren't that different afterall.

I am surrounded my people who are just trying to do their best. The other day I was outside in the backyard and the backyard that is connected to this one has a tramp in it. Lots of kids were jumping on the tramp and throwing balls at each other and a few of the balls landed in this backyard and I threw them back. The dad of some of the kids starting talking to Erika and I...nothing different than home. People just doing their best and trying to survive. The kids were laughing and sreaming and their daddy was trying to make sure everyone was staying safe. Not much different than being at my house...

Blazing new trails...

Tolman, my nephew is certainly one of the things I will miss most about home. I love this little boy the way I imagine loving my own little ones.
Tolman taped me to the chair and said, "Now you can't move to Washington. You have to stay here." Soo sweet and soo sad. I keep looking around and wonder if this is really my life...

A few days ago I packed up everything I own into a Budget rental truck (I would suggest a Penske for anyone who is planning to make a long drive. There were times we would max out speed at 45 mph and watch Penske trucks fly by...) and drove from Logan, UT to Lake Stevens, WA on Wednesday. I came without a job, a set place to live, a limited social network, no idea where anything is and I absolutely love it!

I have wanted to move for quite sometime but kept waiting for the perfect time, perfect job, perfect opportunity...I learned there is no perfect time for anything-or perhaps NOW is the perfect time for everything.

It certainly hasn't hit me that this isn't a mere vacation; That I won't be going home in a few days, that I can't hop in the car and drive to see my family when I want to, that this forgein place really is my new home. That is all just a little crazy but so, so exciting.

Last Sunday my mom had a little party for me. My family was there along with some of my friends. When the night was coming to an end and I had to say goodbye to some of my siblings, I was a complete wreck. I don't know if there is a family as close as the Nelson clan-I adore my family, particilarly my siblings.

Danny has always been my best buddy-but more over the past few years than ever before. He will always be one of my favorite people! He is such a good friend and always makes me laugh. His wife Emi is just as wonderful! This is Erika, Danny, Emi and me!

Taryn and Brittany came by...SOOO good to see both of them. Hadn't seen either of them in awhile but will always been great friends of mine. It's soo great to have friends who you can see every now and again but it seems like nothing changes. Love you girls!

Ang, Steve and little Owen came. This was my first time meeting Owen. I had plans to kipnap him but those thoughts left when I saw how Ang looked at her little guy. So much love... Some day I will have my own!Erika flew down to Utah to drive back with me. I decided to show her the my favorite place in Utah while she was here. This is us above Silver Lake.I don't think I would have been able to move without Patrick. First of all, he took over my job, a job that I absolutely adore AND he came and packed up my truck. Thanks Patrick!

My first night in Washington...Sarah and I went long boarding on the same long board. It was pretty stellar.

The things I love about this place...

Right now I am happy and I am sad. Happy because a new adventure is right around the corner. Sad because I am leaving my home and creating another. By the end of the month I will be a Washington resident...

I can't really explain the excitement. I feel that change is the most liberating thing for me. It reminds me that I'm human. That I exsist in a world full of other humans who are doing exactly what I am doing-surviving and loving it.

I'm not too sure if I will ever find a place that I adore like Logan. I can ride my bike a few minutes and be in the middle of a mountain. Its heaven to me. It isn't only Logan though-Utah is amazing! Sure, it is the land of the Mormons (seems to be the first thing that outsiders mention when I tell them where I'm from) but it is soo much more. I have traveled throughout a lot of the US and parts of South America and Europe. I don't think I have ever been to a place that I love (just based on geographical wonders) as much as Utah.

I'm confident that this will always be my home. It will always be a place that makes me giddy when I think about it...

Father's Day and Nils!

Perhaps this is a little out of order but better late, and a little out of order, then never.

To explain a little about my family I would like to refer you to my sisters blog http://www.thelambfam01.blogspot.com/. I feel I have worlds funnest and perhaps funniest family!

My dad is a great dad! So glad he's my dad. He has been such a big support and perhaps my biggest fan my entire life. I love you dad!

Now to Nils. I am so happy he's home. Can't believe it had been 2 years since I saw him. His homecoming was fabulous and it was so fun to hear some of his experiences AND see so many people.

I have always adored my little brother. I am so glad he is home.

One of the people I got to see was my best buddy Danny. Haven't seen his since he got married and he and Emi came to visit. Love you guys!

Tribute

Today is a special day for me for so many reasons. Reasons that I can't really explain. I won't try and explain them. I don't know the words to being explaining.

Sometimes people come into my life-even if its just for a few moments-and change the way view something-or perhaps give me a deeper (or newly formed) appreciation for something. For example, the other day I was walking into a gas station. There was an older woman who was walking near me. I was kind of in a hurry and was on my cell phone and walked into the store without keeping the door held open for her. It wasn't until a young child-couldn't have been above the age of 8 ran from where his parents car was parked to the door to open it! The older woman was in tears from the kindness of this young child. He reminded me that small things do matter...

Anyway, today is significant. Today is the anniversary of the death of my best friend Ashley Richardson. She died 8 years ago. Eight years is a long time but I still think about her most every day.

She was the prime example that small things matter. I could write novels about the small things she did that made a difference in my life; not to mention the lives of other friends, family and strangers. Her smile was contagious and her love and kindness didn't have boundries. Ashley certainly was, and still is, my hero!

I still talk about Ash on almost a daily basis. I use some of her stories at work. I have tried to treat people the way she encouraged me to everyday. She loved people. She loved life.

Sometimes I still dream about Ashley. Those are the hardest dreams to wake up from. I don't know if I've ever known anyone that has understood me more than her. I don't know if there has ever been anyone who has seen as much goodness in me than her. She reminds me in those dreams.

Eight years ago could easily be one of the hardest days in my life thus far. But it was also a beginning. Perhaps that sounds morbid and weird but there is no other way to say it.

Here's to all the pizza and ice cream! And to the picnic in the middle of the lunch room! And of course the Fat Camp on the way to St. George!! I love you Ash!
Love, Chelsea Marie! :)