Know Thyself

I was talking to Monica yesterday and she said something that has been ringing in my head since.

When recalling a conversation she had with a friend of hers she repeated to me a small part of the conversation. "Kevin, know thyself!" and then she continued on with her story...

Chelsea, know thyself. Know who you are. Know what you stand for. Know your strengths and know your weaknesses. Admit when you are wrong. Own when you are right. Know thyself. Don't make excuses for yourself. Know yourself. Love yourself. Know what your good at. And know what you aren't good at. Know areas within where you can improve. Know the things that make your heart sing.

Know thyself. What a beautiful message.

Alter ego

When I go to concerts I am reminded why I was born. I was born to be on a stage with a microphone in front of me belting out the most beautiful sounds while singing the words of the feelings of my soul.

But then I am brought back to reality. I don't sing. I have little musical ability.

Tonight I randomly went and saw The XX with a new friend and absolutely was day dreaming about being part of the band.

Maybe in my next life.

I'm so thankful for my ability to have experiences like I did tonight.

Life is awesome. So is The XX!

5:30am

Is the time I've been getting up consistently for the last several weeks. I get up, walk or run Harley and get mentally prepared for my day. It's nice to be awake before the city comes alive. Sometimes, depending where I walk, I get to watch my city wake up - which is really cool and super liberating.

I have a recent fascination for sunrises and newness. I'm thankful for it. The opportunity to create a new day everyday is a blessing beyond measure.

Today I will be my best. I will look at the beauty that is all around me. And in myself. And the people around me. I will smile. I will be aware of my actions towards others and be helpful towards strangers.

I will make today special. Because it is.

And I will sing my heart out at The XX tonight! So excited to go! :)

i'm gonna be

im gonna be a pool shark. yesterday was the start of monday night dive bar pool night.

im gonna be a guitar player. i am taking lessons and starting to play on my free time. but i don't have much free time - which is a bummer because i'm wanna be a gooood guitar player.

im gonna be a published author. someday. i will. you can count on it. im gonna finish that damn book.

im gonna be a mother. not just to harley. but to a baby. a child. i imagine that day will be the happiest day of my life.

im gonna be a world traveler. i guess i already am. but i am going to travel more. and experience more.

im gonna be a wife. a really really good wife. im a catch.

im gonna be me. chelsea nelson. forever. a dreamer. a lover. an over the top and sometimes obnoxious woman.

and im gonna be thankful. everyday.

Create

I had such a wonderful weekend. After I got word that Harley was okay and that he was able to come home I was able to relax.

Good people are everywhere. And I am continuing to find myself surrounded by them. I believe what they say - light attracts light and dark attracts dark - I believe that I am not only attracting good people in my life but good things in general. In work. In church. In personal growth and development. I can't think of one area in my life where light doesn't seem to be shining.

Which makes me really think about my recent past. What was it that was holding me back or making me act in ways that weren't true to my authentic self? I think about that because I don't want to go back there.

I moved to Seattle close to 5 years ago. I knew 2 people when I moved. I wasn't going to church and I didn't work so I had no clue how to meet anyone. I hadn't come out of the closet yet and didn't know many gay people - but wanted to - so I spent a lot of time at the lesbian bar. And I began to meet a lot of people. Before too long I felt like I knew the majority of the lesbians in Seattle - at least the ones close to my age. I got confused and lost track of Chelsea. I loved that I knew all these new people and became more interested in the number of 'friends' I had rather than the type. It was the quantity vs. quality thing..

I truly believe that you become who you hang out with. You become what you fill your mind and heart with. And in my recent past I've been very unaware of the things/people I have allowed in my life. But I am aware now. Super aware. And I will fill it with goodness.

I love myself. I love my heart and my mind and my soul. And I love God. I will fill my life with the good things He has blessed me with.

After all, life isn't about finding yourself. It is about creating yourself.

It has been an insane 12 hours.

I am currently at the vet with my pup because he kept throwing up last night and then appeared to have a seizure. We went to the animal ER in the middle of the night - they didn't know what was wrong with him - so they sent us home. But then it happened again this morning as I was getting ready for work and here we are.

So now I am waiting. And hoping and praying my little guy is okay. Harley has been my best friend since the day I got him. He has to be okay. Prayers and well wishes to my little buddy.

Another thing that is on my mind - the terrible shooting that happened in Colorado last night. Horrible. Absolutely horrible. My thoughts go out to the families of the victims - but then my thoughts go to the man responsible. Why was he so unhappy? Why was he so tormented? How was there such a lack of love in his life that led him to do what he did? Or was it a recent tragic event?

I wonder how many people walk the streets in our world that are fighting the urge of doing something crazy. I wonder how many people are that unhappy - that they not only want to end their own lives but the lives of other people - lives of complete strangers.

It is so important that we show love to everyone we meet. We never know their story or situation but we shouldn't have to. We shouldn't have to 'walk a mile in their shoes' to show love and compassion and offer a helping hand.

Life has been so wonderful for me lately. But it hasn't always. I have wanted to die. I have tried to die. Thinking about those days seem like I am thinking of someone else - I am so out of touch with that dark place that used to exist. But I know it exists in a lot of other people for a lot of different reasons. And the only thing I can do about it is offer love, acceptance and compassion. So I will.

I just got a Harley update. He must have gotten into something. He has poison in his system. And internal bleeding. They might keep him overnight. They will update me in a little while.

Everyone should have a dog. That would probably help the people that don't feel love.

College

My new friend Scott told me that he thinks I'm finally living my college days. I think he is right. And I like it.

Last night I got home at 3am and I had a presentation this morning at 8am. Not smart. But the presentation went great and I had a blast last night. I listened to live music, ran around in a park, had hilarious conversations and met new friends.

Tonight I did the same. Sort of. I went to a new place to play outdoor ping pong with friends that I met randomly on Sunday. One of my new friends is Scott. He gave me a gold medal.

I'm so happy that I feel so much more relaxed about - well - everything. I'm doing a better job at being in the moment. I'm laughing more. I am feeling more. I feel happy more. Bit part of feeling happy more is about letting myself feel things that aren't happy.

It's okay to feel sad and stressed and resentment. I actually welcome and embrace those feelings because it those feelings sweeten the happiness.

I like my college days.

Let's be honest, there are a lot of things that suck in life and it is hard to always be positive.  Tonight I want to write about two of them.

The first thing that sucks is dishonesty. It sucks when you are dishonest - because you feel bad about it, sometimes you get caught, you get stuck in a web, etc...  And it sucks when other people are dishonest. It hurts, stings, makes you wonder how/if you can trust anyone again.

Dishonesty is the worst.

The second thing that totally sucks is when you see the potential in someone - or maybe something - but the person doesn't see it in themselves. Or doesn't care to see it. They just do what they do when they do because it feels good in the moment - or it is easy in the moment - or they just aren't thinking.

We hear the phrase, 'just do your best' on occasion. We start hearing it when we're little. I remember my 2nd grade teacher said it almost everyday. It would be so awesome if people just naturally did their best. It would be so awesome if we didn't settle for mediocre. It would be so awesome if we demanded to live according to the potential that is in us.

So - although I try and be positive and write about the things I am thankful for life just sucks sometimes! Sometimes it sucks bad!

Luckily, the sucky moments are just moments and then the good moments take over.

Now - a few recent good moments.




2:30 on a Wednesday night looking for a Taco Bell.



My new friend Emily on the Ferris Wheel



Megan, Farq, Me and Ang on a Wednesday. I had to work the next morning at 8. Not smart.



And for something totally unrelated: 

Unfortunately this was not taken by me - but fortunately I will have one of these someday.



Dreaming

Dreaming is weird. Last night I dreamt about middle school - good ol' West Jordan Middle School. Only all of the current people in my life were my classmates. And I could drive. I drove a really big, old gross van. I parked it next to Mel's huge truck.

Before I went to bed I wrote a list of things I was thankful yesterday. Work, new friends, amazing dinner time views, my education and creativity, Harley's night time kisses and sweet texts from my mom. That was my list. I thought my list might help control my dreams.

Nope. I'll try something else tonight.

Last night I went to happy hour with Eisha. She's a new friend and she is incredible. I had planned on being there for an hour or two, rather than 4 but I didn't want to leave the conversation. She is such a happy and bright person with so many awesome things going on in her life. Her daughter, her new business, her relationship with God and her energy.

The world is full of best friends and amazing people we just haven't met yet. It is full of like minded people who can build us up. It is full of goodness and love.

The entire world is different than our own little worlds. Our worlds are what we make them - I am so thankful for my little world. It seems it is becoming more beautiful and more meaningful and full of goodness everyday!

29 and a bad knee

I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse but I have a bad knee. It might be a blessing because I absolutely hate running and I'm currently training for a half marathon. I complain to myself and Harley every time I head out the door. Running is so boring! My mom tells me that if I keep doing it I'll experience the 'runners high.' I most certainly have not experienced it.

I got up this morning and got ready for my run. I think I had gone about 4 miles before my left knee started to really hurt (my knee is always uncomfortable when I run - but at this point the discomfort turned to ache) and so I started to run a little differently - baby it a bit - and now both knees hurt. Blah. I'm going to the doctor this week. Perhaps they will tell me my running days are over (which I wouldn't mind one bit!)

While I was on my little jog this morning I started thinking about my teen and young adulthood years and compared them to now. I don't know if I've ever had more fun and/or been more relaxed as I am now. Friends talk about their high school and college years with so many good memories and excitement packed behind their stories. Nobody knew it but I hated high school but college was worse. I spent my time wishing I was like all my friends and trying so hard to make sure no one would 'figure me out.' I spent too much time alone on my knees or in the scriptures pleading that God would make me better.

And now?! Well now I am completely comfortable. 100%! I am confident in myself and am sure of Gods love for me. That alone makes life much more enjoyable. It makes the the times I'm alone pleasant and appreciated - instead of a self produced hell. I feel like I am a gift to the world rather than a mistake. I am beyond grateful for my beautiful life. Bad knee and all.

Perhaps I will start to swim.