Engagement Party

Sarah and Lindsey got engaged in October. They had a big party to celebrate this last weekend and I was so delighted to go. I love both of them AND I love a good party!

Me with the gals. They are getting married in October! YAY!

Me and the most beautiful and RAD gal in the entire world

Me and Lindsey- one of the best people I know! Congrats!

Now, for me to complain- or at least get on my soap box for a moment...

So their party was in Ballard- a little neighborhood about 10 minutes away from super liberal Downtown Seattle. But honestly, Ballard is liberal too. The party was in a crowded pub but had a section reserved that was marked, kinda roped off, by a sign. The sign said, ;Reserved. Sarah and Lindsey's engagement party;- or something similar. And guess what happened. There were a few bystandards- people who were complete strangers who saw the sign and mocked it. They said that it wasn't a real engagement party because gay people can't really get married.

I haven't always been sure on my stance on gay marriage- which is weird because I have always wanted to get married but I haven't really cared what it was called by the eyes of the world- or by goverment- because to me, it would be a marriage. But now, after the weekend, I will fight (whatever fighting means) and stand for marriage equality.

Sarah and Lindsey love each other a lot. Their love is beauitiful and life changing. It should be something that is celebrated. It should be supported just as much as any of my other friends who are married or engaged to someone of the opposite sex. But because they are both women, people don't see it that way. But guess what?! My relationship with my person is just as important to me as your relationship with your person is to you. Because it is real. And strong. And amazing. And I'm happy. Truly happy.

So now, I don't want a civil union. I want a marriage. And I hope I will get married someday. And I want everyone, even strangers who are in the same building as me at my engagement party to support it- or at least respect it. Heck, I'll even take people just minding their own business.

Our balls, your face

I play dodgeball. In a league. With adults. And I like it.

Every Wednesday night for the next 8 weeks I will drive to a Jr. High and throw balls as fast and as hard as I can (I can't throw very hard or very fast) at other people. Those same people who I chuck balls at- men and women- who can throw balls harder and faster than me- chuck them back at me- sometimes at my head. It's weird. And scary. But for some reason, I love it.

Our team name is 'Beastie Balls'. And our jersey's say, Our balls, your face. When we have cheers, that's what we scream. "OUR BALLS, YOUR FACE!"

I laugh everytime. I can't help it. But I love it.

It is nearly 3am. My mind is going a mile a minute. I feel plugged into the wall. Today, or Wednesday (because I haven't fallen asleep yet) was a good day. Tuesday sucked. Im wondering what the difference was.


Sometimes when we wake up all we can do is take a deep breath, head out the door and do the best we can.

In all actuality, we have no idea how anything is ever going to work out. We don't know if our car will start once we turn the key. We hope it will but for some people on some days, it doesn't. The drive to work or wherever we go going isn't always the way we want. Living in Seattle I've learned that leaving my house one minute on one day means free sailing. If I leave the same minute the next day, I will might be stuck in traffic for an hour. No joke. And it sucks. Meetings don't always go as we plan, interactions with people-even friends can be off. Things change our attitudes in seconds. Sometimes we aren't nice although we are nice people. We aren't sensitive although sensitivity is one of our most visible characteristics. And maybe for that particular moment, not being nice and being insensitive is the best we can do.

Lifers

I was sooo happy to be able to see these people over Christmas. I hadn't seen some of them in 3+ years. Some of my highschool friends will be my friends for life. I have no doubt.

Conversations of early morning annoucements, childhood sleepovers, having amnesia, pushing pumpkins out the window, and what each of us wore the first day of 7th grade.

Thanks

I should be at a birthday party. Instead, I am at home with Harley listening to Christmas music drinking hot chocolate topped with whip cream and I just started a fire. The fireplace is in the bedroom-which is by far my favorite feature of the house. I am obsessed with fire- I could watch it for hours and not realize anytime passed by.

This is my favorite time of year. My love for Christmas has intensified 100x the past 2 years because Christmas = my entire family is going to be together. And I love that. I love that more than I love anything. It doesn't happen much anymore because Jami and her family moved to Minnesota last summer and I am in Seattle. Christmas might be the only time we are all together- for the next 3 years anyway.

While Christmas is just a couple weeks away, I don't want to ignore that Thanksgiving was a couple weeks ago. Thanksgiving is my moms favorite holiday- and is becoming my favorite too. I love what Thanksgiving means- I love that it hasn't been too commercialized. I love that you can't go sit on a turkeys lap and tell it what you want (I was flabbergasted when I learned you could go sit on the Easter Bunnys lap!). For me Thanksgiving is a day to reflect and express thanks- and I have so much to be thankful for!

I am thankful for God and the love I know He has for me. His never ending love has been a saving grace in my life.

I am thankful for my mom. Lately I have been so aware of her selflessness. There isn't much time to think about yourself when you're a mother of 5. She is my hero!

I am thankful for my dad. He works so hard for his family. He is able to stay positive when things are hard and doesn't speak badly about anything.

I am thankful for Jami. I turn to Jami when I need a good laugh or when I need to cry or when I need advice- or when I need anything.

I am thankful for Jessica. I feel closer to Jess now than ever before. Sometimes we call each other just to chat- and I love that. She is passionate and giving and has such a beautiful heart!

I am thankful for Nils. He is great example of goodness and hard work. I believe all men should be more like my brother; honest, kind, hard working; and hilarious!

I am thankful for Curtis. Curtis just turned 16 but to me he is more like 25. He has a big heart and is able to see what people really are and what people really need. He is an example of love.

I am thankful for Becka. She is a silent example of goodness (unlike the Nelson clan- who are all very loud). She is loyal and dedicated. She is giving. She is beautiful- her heart is the most beautiful part of her.

I am thankful for Harley. He is the best dog and is always so excited to see me. He has brought so much love and so many smiles to my life (along with a lot of ruined things :-)

I am thankful for my mind, and for my job, and for my bed, and that I can go to the grocery store and get all my food- sure does make things easy! I am afraid I would die if I was responsible for growing and killing my own food. I am thankful for my clothes and my car and all of the things that make my life easier (easier but sometimes more complicated).

I am soooo thankful for the beautiful earth. There have been a lot of times where I lose my breath or become completely speechless because Im in awe of my surroundings.

I am thankful for my body. It allows me to do what I want to do. I can walk and run and climb and swim and dance. I love to dance!

There are soo many other things I am thankful for- like little moments in the day when I feel happy because a song comes on that reminds me of a happy memory. I feel thankful when I see little kids or hear laughter.

People say you should have the Christmas spirit all year long- but I think it would be more productive to have the Thanksgiving spirit all year long. Being thankful can change the world.

No place like home

I was able to go home last weekend and I absolutely loved being there. I wish I could have stayed- maybe forever. It felt so great- the only thing that was missing was Jami and I missed her every second. I love being with my family.

The most exciting family updates revolve around Curtis. He was Freddie in his school play, My Fair Lady and did a great job! I was lucky enough to be home during the performances and will give you a little preview.

FALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

There are a few reasons I love fall. It is absolutely beautiful! And I feel lucky because Seattle has had an extra long and extra beautiful fall. I have loved it. The trees look like they are on fire. The air is the perfect tempature. And my insides can't help but smile.

Harley likes the fall too. Here he is at the park playing in the leafs.

I've never been a huge fan of Halloween. I mean, I like it- but I don't LOVE it like some of my friends and family. This year was different though because I was so excited about our costume. Here you have it folks- NOT the Biggest Loser and her trainer Jillian Michaels.This is my Joy the girlscout and I. Its a blurry picture of us showing off our juice but it shows how grossly awesome my costume was. :)And finally, some of the winners of the costume contest. The Biggest Loser and the old school cell phone. I might start liking Halloween now that I realize how great it is to not only be a contender, but to actually WIN costume contests.

I love the fall. I appriciated it more this year. Day after day I was amazed at the beauty around me. I am thankful.

I only like being an adult

I don't love being an adult. I just like it.

When I was a kid I could do anything. Seriously. I could fly and lift mountains and kill bad guys and I was sure to make a wish on every star. I wished for things like for everyone in the entire world to be happy or that I would be the first girl in the NBA.

One of my favorite parts of visiting my sister in Minnesota was hanging out with Tolman and Addison. I am in awe of them and how their minds work. One moment we are on a boat (blanket) throwing (make believe) food to the fish but not to the sharks (because sharks are mean and eat people) and the next minute Addison is my teacher teaching me the rules of the classroom.

I went star gazing with Tol and he asked me what it'd be like if we lived in space. We laughed and laughed as we imagined how fun it would be to float around all the time and drive spaceships instead of cars.

Being an adult is boring. We don't dance as much or skip or hold hands just because. We don't let go of our imaginations and we have a harder time finding shapes in the clouds. Or maybe we just forget to look up. Everything seems to be so serious when you're an adult. I miss the days of being a kid.

I miss (parts of) high school because the only thing I worried about was basketball practice and occasianally filling my weekends with friends. I miss Brighton Camp and all the singing and daily conversation about God and the beauty of the earth. There certainly wasn't talk about work or money or the sad things that we hear on the news.

I miss the days in Logan when I was taking little tiny baby steps into adulthood. I would go to class and listen to my professors and be amazed at their experience and knowledge. I hoped that I'd be that wise someday. I would lay on the grass at the elementary school and stare at the stars and vocalize my dreams. Supa and Koda would lick my face and bring me back from the clouds. I miss sitting on the ropes course platform feeling like I was on the top of the world. And I was. I was on top of my world. I had all the clarity I needed on what to do and how to be happy- just love everything- and I was beginning to.

And now I am an adult. I have been for awhile but not wanting to admit it. When I go to the fountain in Seattle I usually watch kids play in it instead of playing in it myself. BORING! When I hear music I don't always dance-even when I want to. I am on the computer more than I am outside. Depressing. And I haven't searched for all the shapes in the clouds in a long, long time. It is time to be more like a child. Who is with me?!

Rochester

I am in Rochester, Minnesota. Jami lives here with her husband and kiddos. She has lived here for about a month because Dave is doing his medical residency at Mayo Clinic. Ive never been to Minnesota so I was excited to visit. And HELLLLLO! The Mall of America is here.

I don't think I could ever live in a place that doesn't have mountains. Minnesota doesn't have mountains. It feels weird. the mountains make directions easy, they are beautiful to look at, and I feel the most happy when I am exploring them. But Minnesota is still pretty-just in a different way.

Jami lives about an hour away from the airport so after she picked me up we got to drive on a highway that was in the middle of corn fields. It was cool. And pretty. She had to drop off library books and I took them in for her-one of the librarians told me she would never live outside of Minnesota because it is so beautiful here. I thought that was interesting and that she should travel a little bit- perhaps visit Utah or Washington-so she could know the definition of beauiful. But I guess beauty is different to everyone (and I guess I am bias).

Tolman and I shot some hoops when we got home from dinner and then, once it got reallly dark, laid on a blanket and to look at the stars. We talked about what we'd want to do if we lived in space and searched for the big dipper. We couldn't find it. I adore that little boy.

I love watching Jami with her kids. I don't remember what Jami was like before she had kids but I know she was different than she is now. She is better. Having kids has magnified all of her best qualities and have brought others out that I didn't know she had. I think thats what happens for most women when they have babies. I look forward to that happening to me. When I see Jame with her kiddos, I get really excited to have kids of my own.

I have a few more days here and will be sure to take pictures. I am so happy to be here- I love every second I get to spend with my family!

The woman at Safeway

Sooo Becka ran the Portland Marathon last Sunday (I will get get into the details of that later-but she ran INCREIBLE) and on our way out of town we stopped by Safeway to get sandwiches at the deli. We were in line, ordered our sandwiches and then I decided to go get Harley a treat in the pet isle. After I found the perfect treat I went back to the deli and I noticed a woman that I haven't been able to get out of my mind.

The woman was sitting on a stool by the deli. She was probably in her 50's. You could tell she was sad. Sad and/or lonely. She was rubbing her eyes when I first looked at her and when I looked over again I could tell she was crying. I wanted to go talk to her-but I didn't. I wanted to give her hug and tell her things were okay. But I didn't. I got my sandwich, went back to the car, and drove back to Seattle. But I have thought about this woman a handful of times since.

It has made me think about the recent suicides that have been all over the news. Bear with me as I explain.

From my own experience the worst part about being gay before I came out was the lonely feeling- the constant lonely feeling- and fearing that the loneliness would never go away.

There are a lot of unhappy/sad/lonely people out there. Not just people in the LGBT community. There are a lot of people outside of that community who are leaving this world prematurley due to suicide- and there are even more people living but wishing they would/could die. Just like the gay community, people outside of the LGBT community believe that God has been unfair and believe the judgements they receive from family, friends, and strangers are unfair. People are people- and we all experience the same kinds of things. Good and bad.

I don't know what the woman at Safeway was going through on Sunday but I wish I could have extended love. I will next time. I am making a promise to myself.

I wish we would all extend love to the people we know, the people we meet, and the people who are strangers. We all need love. Its the only thing we need.